Once again, just gonna let my thoughts rip. Here it goes.
My rear hurts from sitting on the floor of the Library. I'm really nervous for this Romans final. I hate that my laptop is so shiny that I can see the oil from my fingers on the keys. My legs are really tired. 3 mile run, tennis and raquetball all within 2 hours will do that to you. There was some tar on my vehicle because I drove through some construction.. it was really hard to get off of my car. And another car story, I get back from Kantorei tour, and theres an inch of water on the passenger's side floorboard... how inconvenient I thought to myself as I tried to figure out what to do. I like the sound note cards make when you flip them through your fingers. I'm ready to move out of 215. Too much drama for me.. and my momma. Genghis Grill was pure awesomeness today. Sooooo good. I love asian food in general. I hate precarious situations. I feel like I can't ever do anything right sometimes in some folk's eyes. I didn't shower yet today. Is that gross? haha. If it is, get over it. La Gallete tomorrow. Get excited. I'm also jacked to soon be working at the Liesure Time Center of ML with my Nana. Cookin food with and for old people. Nothing better. ooooh, and writing for the Premiere. I hate when my lips are dry, therefore, I think I'm addicted to Burt's Beeswax. Its like cocaine for my dry, cracking lips. That should be their logo. Some joker told me once that Chapstick puts tiny bits of fiberglass in their products so it cuts your lips open again and makes you use more. I like thats Baloney. Once in a while, I wish I could go barefoot. Its liberating. There are TONS of books in this particular room of the library that all say "Law" on them and look exactly the same, which kind of intimidates me. Also, this room makes wierd noises. Star came to the conclusion that its a ghoul or some sort. I wonder if places put signs that say "Emergency Exit: Alarm will sound." signs on doors just to keep people from going through them. I would do it even if it didn't have an alarm I would do it to keep people out of a certain room or area. Genius. I like sighing really big. Its nice. Ooooh, and I'm excited to bury our time capsule in a couple weeks, and for Natalie May and Justin to visit, and for graduation, and for Europe, and for STUCO camp, and anything else the summer throws my way. The particular way I'm sitting has made both of my feet go numb, which is a strange, strange feeling. I think its creepy when your friend's parents try to add you on facebook. (and your own parents for that matter.) I do, however, love friend requests. Oh my. I should study....
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Calamity to Calm
So, heres the deal.
Theres total calamity all around me. All the time it feels like. Maybe its my current predicament. I just feel like there's always noise. Always.
Sources of noise include: The Television. Someone's music being play WAY too loud. Hard core gamers yelling profanities at a screen, which they apparently don't realize CANT HEAR THEM.
I just want some calm time. If my surroundings are so stinkin' loud that I can't hear my own thoughts, how am I supposed to listen to what God is trying to tell me.
I think thats why I run alone a lot. Thats why every chance I get, I sit alone on the lawn. Thats why every chance I get, I go places alone.
I need to make a transition from Calamity ------------> to ----------->Calm. And soon.
Theres total calamity all around me. All the time it feels like. Maybe its my current predicament. I just feel like there's always noise. Always.
Sources of noise include: The Television. Someone's music being play WAY too loud. Hard core gamers yelling profanities at a screen, which they apparently don't realize CANT HEAR THEM.
I just want some calm time. If my surroundings are so stinkin' loud that I can't hear my own thoughts, how am I supposed to listen to what God is trying to tell me.
I think thats why I run alone a lot. Thats why every chance I get, I sit alone on the lawn. Thats why every chance I get, I go places alone.
I need to make a transition from Calamity ------------> to ----------->Calm. And soon.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Time Management and Patience
Yes. I do realize that its 2:31 in the morning. No, I'm not crazy. Yes, I seem to be up for no apparent reason. So yes, I should manage my time better.
I always feel rushed,...overwhelmed with school work. And when I take time to hang out with friends, I feel like I'm using precious awake time (we all know Seth LOVES sleeping) on things that aren't productive. But, I know that really isn't true.
I know that by spending time with these people, I'm creating a community that will directly affect me for the next few years of my life. The people I hang out with are downright awesome. I love them. haha.
But, my very first semester of college is winding down. Only 3 weeks left and it flew by. Seriously, I remember being crazy-nervous my first day for move-in. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to place myself into a group that had already been established, but God proved otherwise, especially with the Houston trip.
I can't imagine myself at any other place in the WORLD right now. Friends is the perfect fit for me. I freakin' love the school, the atmosphere, the people and especially the Jesus I see here every day.
The only thing I don't like is when people come into the room basically yelling at 2:40 in the morning, which coincidentally, just occured. Great.
God, grant me patience.
I always feel rushed,...overwhelmed with school work. And when I take time to hang out with friends, I feel like I'm using precious awake time (we all know Seth LOVES sleeping) on things that aren't productive. But, I know that really isn't true.
I know that by spending time with these people, I'm creating a community that will directly affect me for the next few years of my life. The people I hang out with are downright awesome. I love them. haha.
But, my very first semester of college is winding down. Only 3 weeks left and it flew by. Seriously, I remember being crazy-nervous my first day for move-in. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to place myself into a group that had already been established, but God proved otherwise, especially with the Houston trip.
I can't imagine myself at any other place in the WORLD right now. Friends is the perfect fit for me. I freakin' love the school, the atmosphere, the people and especially the Jesus I see here every day.
The only thing I don't like is when people come into the room basically yelling at 2:40 in the morning, which coincidentally, just occured. Great.
God, grant me patience.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Our Father...
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory forever, Amen.
Prayer.
The concept is pretty cool. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, whatever I want to say, God can hear me and my desires. Now, I never have been a faithful prayer warrior, and thats something that I feel God calling me to work on. I feel like sometimes, the times when I'm most desperate, simple prayers calm me.
But my delimma is, I don't know exactly how to pray.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't think there is a "wrong" and "right" way to pray by any means, I just haven't figured out for myself how to best prayerfully communicate with my God.
When I'm talking with Him inaudibly, my mind wanders to things that don't matter. When I speak my prayers out loud, I mumble and bumble my words around because I'm nervous. I don't normally volunteer to pray out loud when asked. When I try to write my prayers down, I over analyze things and sound phony.
I just. Can't. Seem. To get. It. Right.
But regardless of how I pray, I know that My God hears, My God cares, My God understands, My God moves, but most of all...
My. Father. Loves. Me.
And thats enough.
Prayer.
The concept is pretty cool. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, whatever I want to say, God can hear me and my desires. Now, I never have been a faithful prayer warrior, and thats something that I feel God calling me to work on. I feel like sometimes, the times when I'm most desperate, simple prayers calm me.
But my delimma is, I don't know exactly how to pray.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't think there is a "wrong" and "right" way to pray by any means, I just haven't figured out for myself how to best prayerfully communicate with my God.
When I'm talking with Him inaudibly, my mind wanders to things that don't matter. When I speak my prayers out loud, I mumble and bumble my words around because I'm nervous. I don't normally volunteer to pray out loud when asked. When I try to write my prayers down, I over analyze things and sound phony.
I just. Can't. Seem. To get. It. Right.
But regardless of how I pray, I know that My God hears, My God cares, My God understands, My God moves, but most of all...
My. Father. Loves. Me.
And thats enough.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Here Comes the Boom
So, in honor of the Houston trip reunion, I thought I would remind you all of just how awesome you are in your own individual ways. SUPER GROUP - plus some others. haha. Here comes the boom.
Paul - You're such an awesome role model for the men at Friends U. You know how to balance social life, your crazy-tough schedule, athletics, being an RA, and an encouraging and serious relationship with Ellen. You have been the coolest RA this year, and a great friend. I see Christ in you in so many ways. Your leadership on the crew and the way you treat Ellen exudes Christ.
Danny - I stinkin love you. Although I've only been blessed to play Ultimate with you once since we've been back, it was also a curse because I wasn't on your team. I heard all of the stories, but didn't realize how big of a monster you were until I witnessed first hand. I see Christ in the way that you love all of his creation, especially his animals. Once again, you're like the most rare animal at the Zoo, the one everyone hears of and how great and awesome it is, but never sees. You're a behind the scenes kinda guy, and I love it.
Gina - I feel like you're my sister, Gina. You passion for the homeless is evident, even though I've only been to church on the street with you once! You sat and talked, had some very awkward conversations about a man trying to blow up a school, but you took it like a champ and loved every minute of it. Its so great to see Christ in a relationship, which is what you have. I can't wait to get to know you better!
Matt - MattBusch(said in the special way that I say it with the awesome wave that we do). You've been the biggest blessing, friend. I love seeing you everyday in choir and out-and-about. You treat everyone like Jesus did, with respect and the thought that everyone matters. Keep being awesome!
Lindsey - BIG SIS! I love the snot out of you. Thanks for my meal a while back. It was DELICIOUS! You're the Queen of homemade bread. Anywho, I know that you will follow God and his plan for you concerning your trip to Spain. I love that you are so relient on him and don't need someone else to define you. I'm so glad God put you into my life, and can't wait for what he has in store for our friendship.
Tina- Hey girl, hey. You have the kindest soul. I know you're tough too, but you've embraced hugging like its going out of style. Listen - struggles happen, but God brings wonderful things and knowledge from them. I see Christ in you in your self-confidence. You love to be you, and I love that.
D-base- You're like my brother, man. I know that you're always there for me, and that you would do anything I asked you to, and pray for me whenever I need it, even if I don't ask you for it. I was so blessed by you and your prayer over me at the coffee house in Houston, but I never got the chance to tell you. I definitely think that you have the gift of prayer, and thats an awesome one to have.
Sarah - I love your attitude. You're always up for a challenge. Your kind, yet firm nature is hard to come by. I love the fact that you love your friends so much. Keep branching out and stepping out of your comfort zone, it will pay off. I see Christ in you everyday, just by the way that you talk to people. I've never heard a malicious thing come from your mouth, and thats way inspiring.
Lauren - I'm pretty sure you have the simplest and most loving heart that I have ever encountered. You brighten everyone's day by just being in the room. You're caring and thoughtful attitude exudes Christs' love.
Jessica - You have the most amazing grasp of what true beauty is. You see it in things that aren't physically attractive. You find beauty in experiences and emotions and relationships, and that is incredible. You have a kind heart and a soul full of joy, just like Christ wants for each of us.
Allison - I have never seen you without a smile on your face. You have the most genuine personality of anyone I know. Plus, we connect because we both come from extremely small schools. Who knew someone could bond over that, right? Thanks for always listening.
Rachel - You have the best listening-ears on the planet! Really, thanks so much for being there, being one of my closest friends, and enjoying my company just as much as I enjoy yours. I know that God has incredible plans for you, and I see Christ in you in this way: I think you exemplify God using the average person to do above average things. You. Straight. Up. Rock.
Amber - I love that you love life. We always have an awesome time together. And, you have the most ridiculous calling ever: Jr. High Math, of all things. You are so pacient and loving and nuturing. I can not wait to work with you and get to know you better this year! Love ya!
Parker - No puedo esperar para mis lecciones de guitarra el septimo ano. Voy a SHRED la guitarra. jaja. Y vas a ser un hispanohablante antes de lo conoces. Really though, I love your passion for Christ, and our spontaneous prayer for Lindsey the other night made me admire you and your trust in the Lord. PTL. Your dad had it down when he named you.
Wow. So much typing, haha.
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
Paul - You're such an awesome role model for the men at Friends U. You know how to balance social life, your crazy-tough schedule, athletics, being an RA, and an encouraging and serious relationship with Ellen. You have been the coolest RA this year, and a great friend. I see Christ in you in so many ways. Your leadership on the crew and the way you treat Ellen exudes Christ.
Danny - I stinkin love you. Although I've only been blessed to play Ultimate with you once since we've been back, it was also a curse because I wasn't on your team. I heard all of the stories, but didn't realize how big of a monster you were until I witnessed first hand. I see Christ in the way that you love all of his creation, especially his animals. Once again, you're like the most rare animal at the Zoo, the one everyone hears of and how great and awesome it is, but never sees. You're a behind the scenes kinda guy, and I love it.
Gina - I feel like you're my sister, Gina. You passion for the homeless is evident, even though I've only been to church on the street with you once! You sat and talked, had some very awkward conversations about a man trying to blow up a school, but you took it like a champ and loved every minute of it. Its so great to see Christ in a relationship, which is what you have. I can't wait to get to know you better!
Matt - MattBusch(said in the special way that I say it with the awesome wave that we do). You've been the biggest blessing, friend. I love seeing you everyday in choir and out-and-about. You treat everyone like Jesus did, with respect and the thought that everyone matters. Keep being awesome!
Lindsey - BIG SIS! I love the snot out of you. Thanks for my meal a while back. It was DELICIOUS! You're the Queen of homemade bread. Anywho, I know that you will follow God and his plan for you concerning your trip to Spain. I love that you are so relient on him and don't need someone else to define you. I'm so glad God put you into my life, and can't wait for what he has in store for our friendship.
Tina- Hey girl, hey. You have the kindest soul. I know you're tough too, but you've embraced hugging like its going out of style. Listen - struggles happen, but God brings wonderful things and knowledge from them. I see Christ in you in your self-confidence. You love to be you, and I love that.
D-base- You're like my brother, man. I know that you're always there for me, and that you would do anything I asked you to, and pray for me whenever I need it, even if I don't ask you for it. I was so blessed by you and your prayer over me at the coffee house in Houston, but I never got the chance to tell you. I definitely think that you have the gift of prayer, and thats an awesome one to have.
Sarah - I love your attitude. You're always up for a challenge. Your kind, yet firm nature is hard to come by. I love the fact that you love your friends so much. Keep branching out and stepping out of your comfort zone, it will pay off. I see Christ in you everyday, just by the way that you talk to people. I've never heard a malicious thing come from your mouth, and thats way inspiring.
Lauren - I'm pretty sure you have the simplest and most loving heart that I have ever encountered. You brighten everyone's day by just being in the room. You're caring and thoughtful attitude exudes Christs' love.
Jessica - You have the most amazing grasp of what true beauty is. You see it in things that aren't physically attractive. You find beauty in experiences and emotions and relationships, and that is incredible. You have a kind heart and a soul full of joy, just like Christ wants for each of us.
Allison - I have never seen you without a smile on your face. You have the most genuine personality of anyone I know. Plus, we connect because we both come from extremely small schools. Who knew someone could bond over that, right? Thanks for always listening.
Rachel - You have the best listening-ears on the planet! Really, thanks so much for being there, being one of my closest friends, and enjoying my company just as much as I enjoy yours. I know that God has incredible plans for you, and I see Christ in you in this way: I think you exemplify God using the average person to do above average things. You. Straight. Up. Rock.
Amber - I love that you love life. We always have an awesome time together. And, you have the most ridiculous calling ever: Jr. High Math, of all things. You are so pacient and loving and nuturing. I can not wait to work with you and get to know you better this year! Love ya!
Parker - No puedo esperar para mis lecciones de guitarra el septimo ano. Voy a SHRED la guitarra. jaja. Y vas a ser un hispanohablante antes de lo conoces. Really though, I love your passion for Christ, and our spontaneous prayer for Lindsey the other night made me admire you and your trust in the Lord. PTL. Your dad had it down when he named you.
Wow. So much typing, haha.
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Neverending Struggle
Who am I?
Its a question that everyone asks themselves during their lifetimes. Its a question that humanity can't ever seem to figure out. More questions ensue, like:
What is my calling?
Why am I a part of this world?
A friend and I were talking a while back, and suddenly he asks me
"Who are you?"
Mind you, I'm talking to my best friend of 4 years, someone who possibly knows me as well, or better, than I know myself, so this question was a shocker.
I proceeded to list off things that describe who I am: A runner, a singer, a leader, a Spanish-lover.
Now, several months later, the same question keeps coming back up in my life.
I'm struggling so much lately with trying to decipher who I am, and what defines who I am.
Carrie Mills said in her Cornerstone once that, "What you do does not define you, rather, your worth is found in Christ."
Okay, so the first part kind of makes sense. Just because I run, sing, lead and speak Spanish, doesn't mean that is who I am. But the second part, what the heck?
How am I supposed to find my worth in Christ? What does that really even mean? How do I list things that I think Christ sees in me? Is that even what she meant by that?
This really has been getting heavier on my heart lately. I have a feeling that this will be a neverending struggle for me.
Its time I search a little bit deeper, farther, longer, harder,... more fervently for Who I am and all of the questions that follow.
Its a question that everyone asks themselves during their lifetimes. Its a question that humanity can't ever seem to figure out. More questions ensue, like:
What is my calling?
Why am I a part of this world?
A friend and I were talking a while back, and suddenly he asks me
"Who are you?"
Mind you, I'm talking to my best friend of 4 years, someone who possibly knows me as well, or better, than I know myself, so this question was a shocker.
I proceeded to list off things that describe who I am: A runner, a singer, a leader, a Spanish-lover.
Now, several months later, the same question keeps coming back up in my life.
I'm struggling so much lately with trying to decipher who I am, and what defines who I am.
Carrie Mills said in her Cornerstone once that, "What you do does not define you, rather, your worth is found in Christ."
Okay, so the first part kind of makes sense. Just because I run, sing, lead and speak Spanish, doesn't mean that is who I am. But the second part, what the heck?
How am I supposed to find my worth in Christ? What does that really even mean? How do I list things that I think Christ sees in me? Is that even what she meant by that?
This really has been getting heavier on my heart lately. I have a feeling that this will be a neverending struggle for me.
Its time I search a little bit deeper, farther, longer, harder,... more fervently for Who I am and all of the questions that follow.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)