White Feminist Male Seeks Change.

I am a man, and I am a feminist. 

I do believe in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. 

Maybe I am a feminist because I have watched my grandma raise and care for three generations of her family. For as long as I can remember, I have watched her work herself sick, literally, to care for her family. She has worked long, arduous hours at jobs that most would turn down. She is strong. Stronger than most. And she is respected in our community because she loves strong, too. 

Maybe it's because I have a Nana who is unafraid to speak her mind. She knows her voice carries weight, as it should, and she is unafraid to throw it around. She lifts weights twice weekly and sometimes still plays basketball with us. She singlehandedly cares for my Papa in his last years of life. She is strong. Stronger than most. 

Maybe it's because I have a mother who, after twenty years of providing daycare, decided to take classes and become a para at a primary school. She has lived with chronic pain, a result of a car wreck when she was young, for her entire adult life. She is stronger than most. She has dealt with pain that some cannot imagine. 

Maybe it's because I have a sister who can beat me in anything. She is stronger physically, mentally and emotionally than most. She always outperformed me in academics and athletics, becoming the valedictorian of her class and a standout athlete in four sports, yet she's never gloated about it. Not once. She's almost a certified nurse, which is perfect for a woman who has always given selflessly. 

I believe this about myself, but it still doesn't manifest as wholly as I would like it to. I set out this week to notice instances of gender inequality in my daily life, and just yesterday I did something that immediately disappointed me.

My friend introduced me to two of his classmates, a brother and a sister. I greeted them both with a smile and eye contact, directed intentionally at both of them, not just the man. But when I reached out to shake hands, I immediately went to shake the brother's hand first, even though the sister's hand was already outstretched. 

I bypassed her hand, and went for his. 

I love to promote gender equality, and love to discuss this topic. I am trying to make it a part of my everyday, unconscious actions like greeting people and shaking their hands. It is hard. 

A friend and I were talking about this, and he said something like, "We know that no matter how much awareness is raised about this issue, it won't actually change." I was immediately defensive about this, but later, I realized that he was right.

Awareness is not sufficient for widespread change. Those of us who believe deeply that gender equality is an undeniable truth must systematically reformulate our actions, thoughts and identities in order to promote widespread change. 

I will start by shaking whichever hand is outstretched first. By looking each individual in the eye as I greet them. By phasing out the term "you guys" to refer to any group of individuals, regardless of sex. By reminding my friends of both sexes why there are strong. 

How will you begin? 

Enough, Christians.

This week I've seen several of my Christian friends post controversial and condemning articles to their Facebook wall, apparently in hopes of instructing or admonishing (or pissing off?) the masses. As a Christian myself, to them I say:

ENOUGH. 

Your tactic isn't doing anyone any good. 


For proof, I'd like to show you the following evidence:

These are the articles that were shared.

The first is an article about Lena Dunham's story, and the recent controversy surrounding it.

The second is Katie Couric interviewing a transgender girl about her life and being named as one of Time Magazine's Top 25 Most Influential Teens.

First, let me direct your attention to the Lena Dunham article.

I've taken a screen shot of a portion the post, which was valiantly posted with no personal comments on the article. If you, like most social media savvy folks out there, view likes and favorites as a sign of social media approval, you're already tracking with my argument. This post has only two likes. That means that of all of this person's Facebook friends (the average amount is 338 according to Pew Research), both Christian and people of other beliefs, only two people approved of this friend's message. In case you're curious, that is less than 1%.

Next, I've posted a screenshot of the Katie Couric interview. This Facebook friend posted the loving comment, "What one generation tolerates, the next embraces. Sad to see this lack of parenting and search for 'happiness' tolerated, even celebrated." 

Do you know this girl's parents personally? I think that you're going awfully far out on a very unsteady limb by making that statement. When I watched the interview, I saw very involved parents, seeking to love and care for and understand their child.

Again, you'll see that less than 1% of this person's Facebook friends liked this post. I also love that the people commenting are experts in transgender psychology and surgery. That is fascinating.

Why, Facebook friends, do we feel that the anonymity of the internet allows us to say whatever we want?

We simply cannot continue to publicize our views on social media, and them expect non-Christians to look up to our example of faith and morality. We cannot continue to spew bigotry online and profess unconditional love in person. We cannot tell the Lena Dunhams of the world that their lifestyle makes us want to "stick my head in a food processor" (no kidding, read the blog), and then tell them that Jesus loves them and wants to know them and accepts them.

Enough, Christians.

Instead of spitting lifeless vile, let's hold our tongues (literally if you have to) and stop this garbage that we apparently think is making a difference. We say that we can't stand street corner condemnation preachers, yet our Facebook posts are doing the exact. same. thing.

Speak words of love. Speak words of encouragement. Speak humble words. Speak words of apology.

Or, don't speak. 

I think the biggest epidemic Christianity is facing right now is Christians. We are chasing people -- good, fun, adventurous, caring, loving, searching people -- away. We are driving wedges between ourselves and our neighbors. If there's one thing I know for sure, its that

Jesus did not drive wedges. 

Jesus united people, and loved people, and met people where they were. And, oddly enough, he chose to distance himself from the religious extremists. 

I don't expect that by reading this post you will change your minds about controversial issues like the ones above, but I do hope that you will re-evaluate your social media presence, and ask yourself if you are speaking living words, or words of death. Enough with the wedges.

Unless their potato wedges, and we're sharing them with people that are different than us, engaging them in respectful and loving conversation, and trying to understand the heart of who they are. Those are the kinds of wedges that Jesus likes. 

Beyoncé

I am Beyoncé super-fan. That is far from a secret. Rarely a day goes by where I don't listen to a Beyoncé song. Heck, I'm probably one of the few people I know that makes sure to put the "é" on the end of her name.

Her Grammy performance wasn't subtle or family friendly, and neither is her latest album, BEYONCÉ, which she released with no publicity or warning.  

I will admit that I bought the album as soon as I knew about it. I will also admit that I watched it all the way through, from the beginning, in one sitting. I will also also admit that it was surprising how sexually driven the album was. 

At first, I was really confused: Why does an artist as accomplished as Beyoncé need to use her sexuality to drive sales and promote her music? Why did she have to take her music in a new, more sensual and explicit direction?

The answer: She didn't have to. She wanted to. 

I think there is a huge difference there. 

She isn't another Disney star turning to shock tactics to keep her career alive. 

In Flawless, a song that she uses to establish her dominance as a woman in the hip-hop/r&b world and remind women that their worth doesn't lay in how they look at work that day, she includes a quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer who uses her works to fight for the equality of women. 

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise, you will threaten the man." Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We teach girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: A person who believes in the social, political and ecomenic equality of the sexes. 

By opening the Grammys the way she did, and by portraying herself in her album the way she did, she did just that: she leveled herself in social status with the men in her profession. 

Look at the men who we compare in skill, talent and experience with Beyoncé:

* Jay-Z (Her husband) - "Shorty like Pepsi, me, I'm the coke man. Body like a Coke bottle, I crush it like a coke can." Venus vs. Mars, 2009

* Justin Timberlake - "Now, can we discuss how fast you just got undress. Girl, if this sex is a contest, then you're coming first." - Cabaret, 2013

* Eminem - Do I even need to put anything here?

Their lyrics and music have had blatant sexual themes for years, but an internet firestorm didn't bash them for their art. In all fairness, Beyoncé has had her share of sexually-charged songs, too. 

But the way that I see her most recent ventures, I see her taking control of her own sexuality, and not letting male artists define for her what it should be. 

On another note, I find it comical that, like most public figures in the spotlight, people stop at the surface. We see the three minutes of television that feature them, and we make immediate judgements. It happens every day to politicians, news anchors, and athletes, too (Richard Sherman, anyone?). 

Most people who commented that they were "disturbed" or "weirded-out" haven't experience the total visual-album experience. They don't know that Beyonce's opening song, Pretty Hurts, is a song about the dangers of pursuing perfection and the damage caused by a fixation on aesthetic beauty. 

"We try to fix something, but we can't fix what we can't see. Its the soul that needs the surgery. Perfection is the disease of a nation."

They don't know that towards the end of the CD, Heaven, she sings about losing a dear friend too soon and the strength it took to let her go. Or that Jealous, her If I Was a Boy-style song, talks honestly about how easy it is to distrust someone, even the person you're married to. Or that her last song, Blue, is about the infatuation she feels each time her daughter speaks her name.

I honestly think that Beyoncé's intentions with this album were these:

1. To express a side of her that the music industry and fans hadn't let her express yet

2. To explore honestly all sides of herself in an industry that is shrouded in mystery and concealment

3. To level the playing field between male and female artists, especially in regards to lyrical content

4. To let go of some narratives that have haunted her for too long

Ultimately, I think that it is important to also remember that Beyoncé is a professional. She gets paid to do her job. And, I think that if I ran into her on the street tomorrow, she probably wouldn't be wearing a one-piece swimsuit with slits in the butt.  She would be dressed in jeans and a sweater, and I would be on the ground, probably dead from heart failure. 

- Seth 

Have you seen the visual album yet? What do you think Beyoncés intentions were? Do you think she sends a clear message, or mixed signals?

Birthday Blog

December is always a really strange time for me.

With my birthday falling so close to Christmas, I am normally not able to celebrate it with my friends. They are usually traveling to visit family, or I am at home celebrating with my Mom and aunt, who both have the same birthday as me.

As December 23rd approaches, I usually get a bad feeling in my stomach. Birthdays are supposed to be filled with friends and laughter and well-wishes, and mine normally aren't. I mean, my Mom is awesome, but I spent my 21st birthday in a small bar in Oklahoma having a Bud Light with my Mom.

There's a crazy 21st birthday story for my grandkids.

But this year couldn't have been more different.

I decided that I would try to catch up with 23 people in my life either on or around my birthday. The results have been so uplifting.

I talked with Jesse about his service in the Marine reserves and how his family is doing and how he is transitioning to a new city.

I talked with Billy about his new apartment and his new album.

I talked with Peyton about his semester and his relationship and his goals and dreams.

I talked with Stephanie about her teaching job and about how becoming a curriculum coach changes things. We talked about how sometimes we think we know what we want, but when we go for it, we end up hating it.

I got to catch up with Jared and hear his heart.

I went to a party and spent time with Garrett and his friends, talking about our childhoods and families.

I spent time talking with Paige about her major and how ready she is to be done.

I got to see Blake and Katie, hear about their jobs and their new home, and hear funny stories about funny kids.

I talked with Megan and Luke about their engagement, their plans for Christmas, and, we just got to laugh.

On top of all of that, we threw THE UGLY PARTY, a step beyond the "Ugly Sweater Party," where everyone comes as ugly as humanly possible. The results were unbelievable, and we jammed 20 people into our tiny house.

All in all, this December 23rd has been one for the record books, in a really, really good way.

Thank you to everyone who has spent time with me, celebrated with me, and taken advantage of the "23 by 23." You can bet that I feel loved and surrounded by a great community, and that "24 by 24" is already on the agenda.

For now, I will leave you will some glorious pictures from THE UGLY PARTY.

Peace, love and birthdays.
- Seth

Click for the FINAL image. Enjoy. 

Don't judge a school by its name.

"I teach at a Catholic school in town."

- "Oh. That's nice."

They politely smile, and that is usually where the conversation stops. 

"I teach at the inner-city school down the street."

- "Wow. Tell me more about that. You are brave! That is such a ministry."

They lean in intently, and inquire further. 

We have a tendency to judge a school by it's name.

 If it has the word "Saint" in front of it, or the word "Christian" behind it, the halls are full of compliant kids whose parents have never denied them anything because they've never had to. They are rich kids whose biggest problem is choosing whether they want to wear Nike or Under Armor socks tomorrow. And the people who teach them kick their feet up and earn an easy paycheck. 

On the other hand, If a school is named by its location in town, we imagine the halls look more like a poorly censored MTV show with students grinding through life. The folks who teach them burn the midnight oil lesson planning, grading and worrying themselves sick about their students. 

I believe that those two schools and their occupants are much more alike than we could ever know. 

There are students suffering from the same things at both schools.

- Going unnoticed by adults/teachers who are supposed to care for them

- Resorting to self-infliction to feel

- Struggling to find who they want to be

- Experimenting with drugs, sex and alcohol

- Believing they are incapable of high achievement 

- Wishing to break the system their family is in

- Comparing themselves to other students

- Settling for the same life their parents have

They are the same struggles; they just manifest in different ways. 

I think the teachers experience the same things at both schools, too.

- Striving, and often failing, to connect with broken students

- Feeling like school is all-consuming

- Fearing even more bad news about that one student

- Struggling through relationships co-workers and administration

- Staying at school way too long to make sure everything is ready/perfect

- Resenting teachers who clock in and out at 7:30 and 4:00

The struggles are the same, they simply manifest in different ways. 

I think it is time that we believe this unchangeable fact: students are facing student struggles, and teachers are facing teacher struggles, regardless of the name of their school.

Being a student at one place is just as hard as it is at the other. 

And teaching at each place is truly a ministry, it just manifests itself in different ways. 

* I've wrestled recently with the importance of my job and the impact of it. I find myself comparing my work to work that my friends are doing in different school districts. I wrote this to myself to remind myself that my ministry is important, too. I also think this can apply to many different realms outside of education: ministry, service professions, etc. The struggles are found on each side of the fence. And, people on each side of the fence are doing great things to serve those hurting. 

Bored again Christian.

       I don’t know if you have felt this way before, but I sometimes feel that Christianity is boring. I think that I have felt this way for some time now. I remember being at Kamp and in church and with small groups, and not feeling like what I was reading was making a difference... or like what I was hearing in church wasn’t anything I haven’t heard before... or like every prayer that was said was the same thing that I have heard uttered a million times. "Lord, just bless us in this time. Thank you for my brother so-and-so." You know, the stuff that we are taught to say.

      Sometimes I type up my prayers. This is what I typed the other day:

      I want something to be passionate about. Something to walk with the Spirit about. Something to spark my interest again. I've followed you for nearly 8 years now, and I am... well, yeah... bored. What is the next step? The next phase? The next chapter? What will be the catalyst of change for me? What do I need to do to usher in that change? Open my eyes... ha. I just typed that, then deleted it, then typed it again to make the point that I am always just praying the way that I've heard or been taught to pray. Eff.

     Just this morning I heard a phrase that I have heard a million times. “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” How many times have we sung that line from “How Great is Our God”? Well, Christian music stays popular long after its time has come and passed, so odds are… plenty.

     Then, I got to thinking about that phrase. In my recent church history, I’ve been told about the way God thinks about sin. He despises it. He cannot be in the presence of it. He hates it.

     That would mean that God hates me, right?

     Stop, Seth. You know that My love is powerful. And you know what I love? I love when you choose me. I love when you choose to do the thing that honors me. It brings me joy.

     I believe that God spoke that to me today. Instead of thinking about how my sin saddens God, I will try to think about how choosing him brings him joy.

     And the fact that I made the Lord happy?

That is strong. That encourages me to do it again.

      If you’re like me, maybe the answers to our questions about boredom lie in the things that we find boring. There are some major truths that, even though we’ve heard them plenty of times, we have never understood and maybe never tried to.

Pretty, Pretty Picture

Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences claims that all humans learn through nine (he is still discovering some) types of intelligences. If you're an educator, you were probably introduced to this concept in your earliest teacher preparation courses. The nine intelligences and their descriptions can be found here. 

I've discovered that I possess three of these intelligences: Interpersonal, Bodily/Kinesthetic, and Linguistic intelligence.

Interpersonal: I love learning from others, with others, and about others. One of the joys of teaching is learning alongside your students, learning about them, and learning life lessons from them. I think one reason that I enjoy teaching so much is because there is always something new to learn about the people around you.

Bodily/Kinesthetic: Most likely due to my background in theater, I like to associate knowledge with an action or a movement. When learning and teaching Spanish, I often create gestures that represent the word. For a word like, "bigote" (mustache), I place a finger underneath my nose. My students recently commented, "Mr. Oldham- You are awesome at charades.

Linguistic: For some, language just comes naturally and its intricacies make as much sense as 1+1=2. I love dissecting words. In Spanish, "desayunar" means "to eat breakfast. "Des," is a prefix meaning to undo. "Ayunar" means to fast. Undo + fast= breakfast. Call me nerdy, but I get visibly excited when I learn something like that.

One intelligence that I simply do not possess at all is Spacial Intelligence, namely, the ability to visualize space and manipulate objects or imagine their appearance with their mind's eye. I do, however, admire that intelligence greatly and attempt to play to that intelligence with my assignments and vocabulary games.

I heard a profound statement recently:

"All kids are born artists, but most are educated out of it." 

That is so true of me, and I often wish I could draw...

Which is why I asked my students to draw me some pretty, pretty pictures for extra credit. And yes, I used those exact words. I'm quite the linguist. I discovered that some of my students have the same lack of spatial intelligence that I do, and that others are wonderfully gifted.

Below is a sample of the students' work.

She calls this one: Messed up puppy. 

A portrait of a best friend. Charming, right?

Shark and Narwal meet, and compare retro hair styles. 

"Its a taco and burrito band!" he said. 

Cheesy joke. Ha. 

Jose Jalapeño. Pretty darn accurate. If only he looked a little more depressed. 

Clever representation of my last name. I'm so flattered. 

They found out about my slight infatuation with Beyonce... 

Apparently Jay-Z did, too. 

When we showed these in class, I called it The Gallery of Pretty Pretty Pictures. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did, and that your Spatial Intelligence develops much more than mine did.

Peace, Love and Art, ya'll.

Seth