Oh Hey Caleb...

I absolutely love my job. I never have any idea what is coming for me at any given moment. It could be a fire drill at 4 AM, room mates complaining about their suite mates smoking weed in the room, or even a simple request for a ride.

I've given rides to residents on several occasions... to the hospital, the mall, wal-mart, you name it. But Thursday was a new one for me. I took a resident to the bank.

It all started while I was watching Tosh.O. I swear I have "The Tosh.O Curse" because every time I sit down to watch it, I have to leave before its over. I don't think I've ever seen a full episode. Anyway, I hear a small knock on my door.

This particular resident is quite shy.

"Oh, hey. I was just wondering if you... I mean, .... I'll help you pay for gas... I was just wondering...uh... my bike has a flat tire... and I was wondering if you could...uh... take me to the bank."

A simple request, so I obliged. As we were leaving the university, he continued to give me block by block directions to the bank, whose location I knew quite well. He gave me street by street turning directions, calling out the name of the street and the direction I would be turning at each block starting four blocks in advance. Needless to say, I was chuckling on the inside.

I was in a time crunch, and I told him that, so when we got to the bank, he FLUNG the door open before I ever stopped the car and SPRINTED inside. Literally 45 seconds later he DOVE back into the car, and we were off. Fastest bank adventure ever.

After giving me directions back to campus and offering me gas money for the 4 blocks that I drove, we walked back into the building. As he approached his door and keyed in, he hollered out,

"Thank again, Caleb. Have a good day."

Yep. He's convinced my name is Caleb.

And I don't know why.

Hm.

LARP 4 LIFE!

What a phenomenal weekend it has been. As I sit here and listen to the woman of my dreams sing to me through my computer speakers (that's Beyonce for those of you who don't know), I'm reflecting on all of the blessings this weekend was filled with.

Friday I played 4 straight hours of volleyball. My shoulders are really sore, but it is well worth it. I love hanging out with my friends Tyler and Blake, but this week I especially appreciated spending time Bo, Bobbi, Nathan, Megan, Tasha, and Tanner. They're always up for going and

doing something, which I love. I hope to spend a lot more time with them before school's out for the summer.

Saturday was the real adventure. After making pancakes, I had the pleasure of going on a bike ride with my great friend Bo Pratt. Our spontaneous adventure led us down by the river and eventually into Riverside Park. Two amazing things happened on our ride.

One: While pedaling our bikes down on the river walk, we saw a man pull a string of fish out, which is really pretty disgusting when you think of how nasty that river is. Another man was looking over his shoulder, and in the 2.3 seconds it took us to pass, I heard the man in the back say, with a heavy hick accent, "What kinda bait 'chu usin'?"

I never knew Wichita was so... so... curious.

Two: As we rounded the corner and biked into Riverside Park, I shocked Bo with something that he didn't know actually existed: LARP.

For those of you who don't know, LARP stands for Live Action Role Play. In LARP, many intellectually advanced people (which is a nice way of saying nerds) don their favorite costumes, wield their Styrofoam shields, swords, and other weapons, create ancient wizard names for themselves and fight... relentlessly.

As we pulled up, the had just stopped their large battle, so we decided to wait for them to play again. While we were perched on a bench, another spectator came up and talked to us about the spectacle. We asked her about it because she seemed to be an avid fan. She said last week someone got hurt, and when that happens everyone freezes, a select few drag you off of the field, and... wait for it... whisper a magical incantation over you, then you continue to play.

This was too good to be true.

So we stayed and watched. And let's just say, it did not disappoint. There were swords slashing, shields blocking, Thor-like hammers swinging, and poles swinging non stop. I think next time we go, we're going to make signs with their names on it like,

"NEVER SURRENDER, ALEGRA!"

and

"RA-RA-ROMULUS!"

and my favorite,

"LARP 4 LIFE!"

Next Saturday at 2 pm in Riverside Park. Be there and be ready to get your nerd on.

"Momma! He's NAKED!"

So many hilarious things happened to me on my run today.

I made my way to the Keeper of the Plains statue in Wichita. While I was running, I got extremely thirsty. I remembered that there was a water fountain there. For a moment I felt apprehensive about drinking water from a pu

blic fountain, but then I recalled what I had just written yesterday about public water infrastructures. Silly rabbit...

As I approached the statue, I saw a group of people standing in a circle. I couldn't tell if they were praying or chatting. I've seen a wedding there on occasion and was afraid that I was about to run shirtless through a ceremony. I was relieved to find out that it was just baseball moms and dads talking logistics. I had the fountain in my sights, and when I got literally 3 steps from it, 5 tee ball players shoved their way into a line in front of me. I can't believe I got bullied/beat in a race by 6 year olds. One boy to the side just kept staring at me... I think he was jealous that I have a tattoo that doesn't rub off.

So finally I got a drink, then I headed down the sidewalk towards exploration place. All was fine, until a stampede of Kindergarteners swarmed onto the path in front of me. I dodged, ducked, dipped, dived, and dodged my way through them successfully, but not without being noticed. Towards the end of the mob of children a girl in a yellow shirt was gawking at me (she was jealous of my tattoo, also). She looked at me, looked at her mom, looked back at me, looked back at her mom, and just as I passed, shouted, "Momma! He's NAKED!"

For the record, my running shorts aren't THAT short. There's a solid amount of coverage. They're not those shorts with the slits up the sides that are borderline public indecency. Nay, mine are not those shorts you get from Dick's Sporting Goods. Mine are from the source of all modest clothing:: Target.

I kept running and when I got to the stoplight, I waited for the green. When the light turned green, I made my way into the crosswalk. Lady driving the black buick must not have seen me, because she decided to turn right just as I crossed her section of the crosswalk. She slammed on her breaks, averted collision, and did what any normal, middle aged woman would do: she pursed her lips at me.

Woah, lady. Honking is one thing, but pursing your lips?

Dang.

That's cruel.

The Truth about Bottled Water

*This is a speech I gave today. I thought that it was blog worthy.

What would you do if your father died from dehydration in the desert while serving in the Peace Corps? Well, if you’re Bobby Boucher from the famous 1998 Adam Sandler movie, “The Waterboy,” you would become the most skilled water purification expert in all of Louisiana. Turns out Bobby’s dad didn’t actually die from dehydration, but because of his mother’s cruel lie, the Louisiana State University Mud Dogs benefitted from some “high quality H20.” As a first world country, we have an unlimited supply of clean, fresh water and don’t have to rely on a Waterboy for it. We have access to it directly from the tap and use it to boil our potatoes for dinner, to wash the filth off of our cars, to filter coffee grinds, and to surprise attack our friends with Super Soakers. However, the way that humanity as a whole uses water the most is obviously for hydration. Doctors recommend drinking at least 8 to 12 glasses of water each day. If a person were to drink 12 eight ounce glasses of water every day for a year, they would consume 273 gallons of water, which is equivalent to almost seven bathtubs full of water. However, according to USA Today, 16 percent of Americans do not drink water from a glass anymore at all; all of the water they consume is packaged in a plastic bottle and labeled as purified. In the same article, we read that 59 percent of Americans drink bottled water on occasion. These surprisingly high percentages prove that Americans depend too highly on bottled water as a main source of drinking water. Over the next few minutes I will inform you of the history of bottled water, myths concerning the quality and source of bottled water, the environmental detriments caused by the production and consumption of bottled water, and some steps we can take to correct this issue.

To begin, let’s look at the history of bottled water in the United States. Although bottled water seems like a recent development due to its recent popularity in the marketplace, it has been around for a long time. The research and findings of Professor Noah Hall of Wayne State University Law School show that bottled water predates the country’s independence. Records show that bottled water was sold in Boston as early as the year 1767. In the earlier nineteenth century, when glass technologies advanced, bottled water was made and sold to a large clientele. Bottled water went out of style in the earlier twentieth century when municipal public water infrastructures made tap water consistently healthy to drink. In 1977, Perrier, a company based out of France, launched a 5 million dollar campaign to resurrect bottled water by importing it from overseas. Perrier’s success in the market led directly to the 61 billion dollar industry that exists today.

This water bottle industry has flourished in recent history due to creative marketing skills. Water bottle manufacturers use scare tactics to convince the public that tap water is of low quality and isn’t safe to drink. According to the video, “The Story of Bottled Water,” by Annie Leonard, FIJI Water, a company based on the island of Fiji, started a campaign in Cleveland, Ohio to promote their product. According to the FIJI Water website, their state-of-the-art facility was designed to protect the purity of the water and ensure that no human hands are allowed to touch it. The advertising tagline that was plastered all over billboards read, “The label says FIJI because it’s not bottled in Cleveland.” Many Cleveland natives, including some prestigious researchers, were offended by FIJI’s advertising, so they decided to test FIJI Water for themselves. These tests proved that FIJI brand bottled water was of lower quality and continually lost in taste tests when compared to Cleveland tap water, not to mention that is costs 2,000 times more than water from the tap.

Several misleading myths surround the bottled water craze. Aside from their scare tactics, bottled water producers often try to seduce us with the labels placed on the bottles. Snow capped mountains and secluded streams cover the water bottle labels, tricking us into thinking that the source of the water is pure, pristine and natural. But guess where 25 percent of bottled water actually comes from? Tap water. Pepsi and Coke have both admitted that their products, Dasani and Aquafina, are both filtered from municipal water sources. According to the online article, The Facts about Bottled Water, 22% of tested brands contained chemical contaminants at levels above strict health standards, proving that the screening process before the water is bottled is flawed. Municipal water sources, better known as your local tap water sources, must be tested for e-coli, are required to provide information regarding the source of the water, and must produce regular quality reports. Bottled water manufacturers are not held to these same standards. One of the only benefits that bottled water can claim over tap water is that it can still be distributed even when tap water standards are not met.

Now that we’ve uncovered some truths about bottled water, let’s look at the impact the bottled water industry is having economically and environmentally. Let’s start with the production of the bottles. In the United States alone manufacturing companies use 17 million barrels of oil annually to produce the plastic bottles. That is enough oil and energy to fuel 1 million cars. Although that is a shocking number, what may be even more surprising is that only one in five water bottles produced is ever recycled, which means the other four line landfills and contribute to the 3 billion pounds of waste created by water bottles. Annie Leonard, creator of the video I mentioned earlier, “The Story of Bottled Water,” was curious to see what happened to the water bottles that she recycled at her local recycling center in California. She discovered that the bottles she recycled were shipped to India, where they lay in landfill-like piles until someone makes an attempt to recycle them. However, she noted that the bottles were not being truly recycled at all. True recycling would turn a water bottle back into a water bottle. Her recycled bottles were being “downcycled,” a process which turns the plastic into a lower quality plastic which eventually becomes unrecyclable and is added to a landfill. In short, she found that her recycling bottles were ending up in another country’s backyard.

Although some of these issues seem insurmountable, there are steps that you can take individually to reduce the amount of oil used by manufacturing companies, diminish the waste caused by unrecycled water bottles, and to save some of your hard earned money. You could join a campaign to bring back public water fountains. You could also lobby local politicians and urge them to consider increasing funding for municipal water infrastructures. At Friends University a movement could be started within the student government association’s GoGreen committee to ban bottled water sales on campus

On a more practical and individual note, you can commit to not purchasing bottled water. I will admit that for my first two years at Friends University, I purchased a case of bottled water nearly every two weeks. Over those two years I consumed approximately 1,500 bottles of water, of which hardly any were recycled. Considering this from a financial standpoint, I spent close to $250 dollars on bottled water over two years. This Christmas, however, I received a gift that has eliminated my use of bottled water. This simple machine is a Filtrete Water Purifier. For an initial expense of 30 dollars, I have enjoyed three months of clean, purified water straight from the tap. The only maintenance expense is the filter, which costs around 10 dollars and should be replaced every three months. With this water purifier, I will save over 140 dollars over the span of two years. You can purchase water purifiers at Wal-Mart, and they typically cost around 30 dollars. Another gift I received is something that you probably see me carrying around campus every day: my bright green ninja turtle water bottle. For an initial expense of around ten dollars, I now enjoy the freedom to fill my bottle at any time I choose, and it’s absolutely free. Refillable personal water bottles can be purchased at stores like Wal-Mart and Target for anywhere between 3 and 15 dollars.

Americans have become too reliant on bottled water as a main source of drinking water. The water is often of lower quality and typically 2,000 times the amount of water straight from the tap. Next time you consider purchasing a bottle of water, don’t be fooled by clever advertisement schemes and remember that 25% of bottled water is just filtered tap water. There are simple steps that we can take to solve this issue. Please join me in saying “no” to bottled water and making a personal effort to counteract the wasteful habit of bottled water consumption.

The Biggest Lie I've Ever Told

I owe you all an explanation. I did something recently that was so outside of my character... something that I was confronted about by many concerned people. I misled so many people by what I posted... and the sad thing was....

I liked it.

I didn't just like it. I giggled all day about it. Go ahead and guess what I am about to apologize for.

Well... in all honesty...I'm apologizing for telling the biggest lie I've ever told.

Well, to vindicate myself, it was all in the name of April Fool's Day. Let me start from the beginning.

Step 1: I changed my facebook birthday to April 1st.

Step 2: I allowed 74 gullible, but well intention people to wish me the happiest of birthdays.

Step 3: Monitor my facebook closely and delete any mentions of April Foolery on my wall.

Step 4: I lied to the faces of some of the sweetest people I've ever met. To name a few, Sarah Stoeffels, Lacey Landenberger, Bo Pratt, Bobbi Ruiz, Kassie Welch, and Kayla Loper.

Step 5: My roommates decide to capitalize.

Step 6: We devise a plan to throw me a fake surprise birthday party.

Step 7: We remember, suddenly, that it's out friend Nate Johnson's birthday.

Step 8: Turn my fake surprise birthday party into a real surprise birthday party for Nate.

Step 9: Contact all people who know that its not my real birthday and beg them to play along with the prank.

Step 10: Have Brandon, my roommate, convince Bo Pratt, my very good friend, to "distract me while people gather in our room to surprise Seth."

Step 11: Bake a fake birthday cake for me, and a real birthday cake for Nate. Hide the real cake in my room.

Step 12: Have the entirety of Friends University Campus Bingo sing Happy Birthday to me (not in the original plan. Thanks Bobbi!).

Step 13: Lie, lie, lie. Seriously. I lied to so many people's faces. Even when they shouted at me, I kept my cool. I'm a good liar.

Step 14: Nate realizes that today isn't actually my birthday. We let him on the secret, but neglect to tell him that its actually a surprise for him.

Step 15: Bingo ends. Bo and Bobbi (who are still in dark, mind you,) take me to get a "celebratory 21st birthday QT drink!" Bo and Bobbi stall while the "surprise guests," 25 in all, gather in my room.

Step 16: I continue to lie to Bo and Bobbi and act like I have no idea what's really going on.

Step 17: Bo and Bobbi take me to my room, and follow me in. People are waiting with the lights off, and as I flip them on, they start a rousing bout of "Happy birthday."

Step 18: I act embarrassed, once again lying. Then I convince them that I want to capture this moment on digital camera.

Step 19: I sneak into my room, grab Nate's cake, walk out of my door, and start yet another, even more rousing round of "Happy birthday," this time replacing my name with Nate's.

Step 20: Nate is shocked. Nate is happy. I confess my sins. We eat cake.

Step 21: Bo and Bobbi, still confused, hate me.

Step 22: We enjoy cake, company, laughs. All is well.

I hope this exhaustive step-by-step list helps you understand just how intricate this lie was. I mean seriously, what lie has 22 steps? I submit that mine is the only one.

So here's my formal apology.

First, to the 74 kind and thoughtful people that wrote on my wall wishing me a happy birthday. I apologize for misleading you to believe that my birthday was on April Fool's day.

Second, to Sarah Stoffels, Lacey Landenberger, Kassie Welch, and Kayla Loper. I feel as if you all took the brunt of this joke. It wasn't my intent to exploit you, the sweetest people in existence.

Third, to Nate Johnson. Sorry for stealing your birthday. And sorry for the 25 people who sang happy birthday to me right in front of you. That was low.

Fourth, to the attendees of the Bingo Las Vegas. I rue the fact that I stooped to the point of standing up and acknowledging your congratulations in the bingo hall.

Fifth, to my future bosses, Sarah Jewell and GT. What an awful first impression this note must give you. I understand if you want to terminate my employment, but... PLEASE DON'T.

And finally, to the people I hurt most during this whole shenanigan: Bo Pratt and Bobbi Ruiz. I apologize for lying to you literally every second that I spoke with you yesterday. You are two of the most amazing and kind people that I know, and I'm honored to have spent my "21st" with the two of you. I owe you.

All is fair in love and war... and April Fool's Day.