Hoarding

*I've created a new blog. setholdham.tumblr.com. I will be posting on there from now on! Thanks, faithful few followers!*

My Dad came home from work the other day and told us all an interesting story. While he was tearing down some property of a deceased woman that lived in the country near town, he and a few other men decided that they would explore the house. He was definitely not expecting what he found.

Glass jars entirely full of golf course pencils

Giant cupboards filled with unopened bottles of spices

Drawers lined with little bottles of taco sauce

A gallon jar filled with unused bars of bath soap

It became very obvious very quickly. This woman was a hoarder. We’ve all seen the TV shows where borderline insane mothers systematically collect useless items, like their children’s old tennis shoes or the previous week’s newspapers, and store them in their house. I’ve even seen an episode of CSI featuring a hoarder. Its become a more and more well known issue. Even the word “hoarders” seems strange, like too many letters are pressed into too small of a space.

Sometimes I think I’m guilty of hoarding. I sometimes refuse to donate old t-shirts because they have sentimental value and rarely get rid of a pair of shoes because I never know when I’ll need to wear them. Yes, I realize that this sounds minuscule compared to drawers full of taco sauce, but still…

Then tonight, when my Dad was retelling this story, I wondered to myself whether it was possible to hoard thoughts…memories…experiences.

Do I cling to past encounters with God? Do I pack them awkwardly into a gallon glass jar and push it into the corner, never to use again? Do I line the hallways of my heart with old stories, so that just in case I may want to retell one, I can walk down and pull it out? Instead of replacing it with this weeks issue, do I stack my memories into teetering towers like those antiquated newspapers?

What’s to stop me from from formulating new thoughts? forging new experiences? finding new memories?

Towering and toppling stacks of old experiences. That’s what.

P-A-R-T-WHY? 'Cause I gotta.

When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was The Mask, starring Jim Carrey. Through a series of mysterious events, Jim finds a green mask that possesses this palpable and audible presence. The first time Jim puts the mask on, he is shocked and hates how it feels. It completely takes him over and morphs him into something that he doesn't want to be: a crazy maniac with no self-control. He immediately chucks it out the window, but his dog fetches it and brings it back. The farther the story progresses, the mask literally takes over. He can't wait for the next opportunity to slap the mask on his face. I assume that it makes him feel powerful... safe... desired.

One line is very revealing about the power of the mask and how much it controls every aspect of his life. Once its on, Carrey dons a bright yellow pinstriped suit and declares to himself:

"Its time to P-A-R-T-Why? 'Cause I gotta."

Why do we wear masks? Why do I wear masks? What do we have to hide?

We hide the fact that we're "different," by putting on the mask. We try to dull ourselves down and make ourselves more powerful, safe, and desirable.

All throughout my school career, I've been the subject of some sort of bullying. In primary school I did gymnastics instead of flag football. In middle school I did quiz bowl and cross country instead of football. In high school I did choir and forensics instead of football, basketball, or baseball. Because I wasn't like the crowd, I was picked on. I put masks on to fit in.

And starting college, I tried JUST as hard to fit in, but in a different way. I listened to music I didn't really like, participated in events I really didn't want to go to, and ran around with guys I really didn't get along with. I settled for a lesser version of the real me. I settled for shallow friendships and stereotypes.

In Mancave last week, we talked about what it takes to break the male stereotyped "shallow friendship," AKA, the guys who talk solely about girls, cars, and sports and play poker once a week.

It requires taking off the mask. That's the expectation.

Its so hard to take the mask off when it is so comfortable and "natural" on our faces, but we can do it... You can do it... even I can do it.

Let's break the stereotypes of shallow friendships, take the masks off, and walk in real community together.

I dare you....

This past Sunday, my friends and I visited Westlink Christian Church on Maize road... and LOVED it. There was a guest speaker, Mark Gungor, who is an author and pastor from Michigan, I believe. He spoke on very interesting and abnormally dreaded topic: singleness and dating. I personally loved what he had to say. His sermon did many things:

It destroyed the unrealistic expectations that we have of dating and marriage.

It reminded us that it TRULY is okay to date, although most churches have indoctrinated the idea that we should put it off, and put it off, and put it off and pray for God to "deliver our spouse into our laps."

It realistically and practically looked at marriage and dating, while analyzing the social ideology that we must anxiously wait to date, which affects us and our future grand children.

It emphasized the importance of sexual purity before marriage.

and

It shocked me with information about happiness and how marriage wasn't made to make a person happy:: a person must be happy before they wed. If two unhappy, empty souls marry, its still the union of two unhappy, empty souls.

Listen to the message... I dare you. It has changed my thinking on dating.

http://media.westlink.org/message_series/iMarriage/IStillDo092610Gungor.mp3

Micromanage

Monday - Wake up early, do homework, read, study, meeting, go to class, read, study, Intramurals, rehearsal, study, socialize.

Tuesday - Wake up early, do homework, meeting, homework, class, read, night class, rehearsal, homework, socialize.

Wednesday - Wake up early, study, read, last minute homework, class, Meads to prepare for Bible Study, Bible Study, Rehearsal, Homework

Thursday - wake up earlier, prepare for another Bible Study, class, homework, class, homework, night class, rehearsal, homework, socialize.

Friday - wake up early, homework, class, socialize, homework, rehearsal

Saturday - wake up early, prepare for Sale Vale Panqueques, Sale Vale Panqueques, homework, socialize

Sunday - church, socialize, one on one, work, homework, cornerstone, homework.

Repeat.

A friend told me the other day that I micromanage. Not entirely sure of the meaning of that word, I searched and found this definition:

To manage, direct, or control a person, group, or system to an unnecessary level of detail or precision

Certainly I don't do this, right? WRONG.

I've realized that I am indeed a micromanager, as seen through the schedule above. Some may even say that I'm an overachiever, which when I'm honest with myself, is a pretty accurate statement.

So what am I doing to correct it? This week, I'm making a conscious effort to underachieve and do less micromanaging.

Won't you join me?

Eclipsed

He is jealous for me.

Love like a hurricane,

I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.

And I realize just how beautiful you are

and how great your affections are for me.

How easy it is to get caught up in the "just a sinner" mentality? We constantly analyze our behavior, single out the awful, and say to ourselves:

There's no way God could love me unconditionally.

Well, surprise.

He does.

I believe that recognizing a sinful nature and imperfect past creates an awareness of a dire need for a savior. But I also believe that when you remember and ponder on this, you can't dishonor the cross by solely focusing on the negative and disregarding the redemption found in Christ.

In 1 Timothy 1:15 and 16, Paul writes this: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of who I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."

Paul

* a man who slandered the name of Christ

** a man who hunted and killed Christians

*** a man who gained fame for his brutality and unabashed devotion against Christ

This man, who in his own words, was the worst of sinners, received eternal life from the Man whom he hated with all of his heart. In 1:15 and 16, he recognizes his sin, but look at what he says in verse 17.

"Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

He spins immediately away from his label as a "sinner," accepts his salvation, and lets the glory of God eclipse everything.

"When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me."

I feel like if this song would have been written in Paul's day, he would have been screaming it at the top of his lungs. I know I would.

Remember who you are, where you've come from, and where you're going. But most importantly, please remember to let the glory of God eclipse you.

Unwanted Deliveries

When Satan comes after you, he sends what seems like all of his minions to torture and test you. This week, his minions delivered me several unwanted packages.

My first package came on Sunday, when my boss unjustly criticized me at work. He dropped a box full of bitterness and resentment at my feet and left me to carry it all week.

My second package came Wednesday morning, when I got news of my grandfather's death. Satan sent a letter stuffed with death straight into my mailbox and waited for me to open it.

My third package came when it was announced that the funeral would be on Monday, hindering me from traveling to Houston to serve God's people alongside my dearest friends from Friends University. Satan delivered disappointment and confusion into my lap, and laughed as I drowned in it.

My fourth package came when, after leaving the donut whole last night, I forgot to turn my lights on. Satan's messenger (the policeman, haha) slid a 91 dollar ticket into my hands, and stiffly walked away.

But then, a fifth package came. And as unexpected as the previous drop offs had been, this one took me by complete surprise.

This unique package came when I stepped into the campus ministries lounge to withdrawal from the trip. I expected to just drop off my package of bad news, turn around, and walk out. But my friends had other plans.

They sent me the greatest package; one that outshone the desperate and resentful packages I received previously. Inside this package was a loving group of friends aching for my loss and sharing in my sorrow and disappointment. Yet when I pulled out the first two parts of the package (care and concern), hope stared me in the face and dared me to pull it out. And I'm so glad I did.

Words of encouragement flooded my ears, tears forced their way out of my eyes, and prayer and worship began to heal the wounds inflicted by Satan's messengers. A piece of paper that was laid neatly at the bottom of the box caught my eye. Three short sentences reminded me of my Hope that never fails.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

New Years Resolution

Here are my new year's resolutions... ok. new SCHOOL year's resolutions. If you are a friend and do or want to do any of the following things, please feel free to ask me to do them with you.

I want to paint at least twice every month.
I will run another half marathon in the fall. October 10th, baby!
I want to serve my roommates a meal each week.
I want to plant something and grow it in my room. And no, I'm not alluding to weed.
I want to have a sit down conversation with every guy in my section in the first 9 weeks of school. *This is tough, but MAKE me do it*
I want to attend an event that I've never been to before.
I want to disciple someone this year.


I'm sure there are more.

What are your New School Year's Resolutions? What is one activity that you want to pursue? Please, share!

Hello.

Hello. My name is Seth.
I'm a type-A personality.
I'm extremely organized. Probably too organized.
I rarely miss a homework assignment.
I'm in charge of lots of campus events.
My closet is separated by colors.
My food cupboards are separated by cans, boxes, and snacks.
I love a good agenda and often make daily to do lists.
I've had my life planned since my junior year of high school.

School. Choir tour summer. School. Choir tour summer. Graduate early. Move to school. Choir tour summer. School. Christmas break. School. Cancun.

Wait. Cancun's over. What's next, you ask?
Um...
ehr...
eh...
You know. I haven't thought that far ahead.

Last week I rushed into a decision and accepted a job in Wichita so that I could stay in town, work, and be with my friends. Now, I'm second guessing that decision. I do want to stay in Wichita. I do want to spend time with my friends. I do want to work and earn money. BUT, I do not want to work off campus during the school year.

I want free time on the weekends.
I want to go camping.
I want to host Sale Vale Verde (copyright Sale Vale Panqueques)
I want to do shows.

"I want" all of these things. But what does the Spirit want of me? Did I even stop to consider that before I took all of the necessary steps to pursue this job? Am I being selfish?

Hello. My name is Seth. And I have no idea what I'm doing.

Todopoderoso

For my first Sunday in Mexico, my family and I went to church together... and it was amazing. If you've never experienced church in mexico, its a must. But, I'm gonna blog about what I learned.

Todopoderoso was a word that I heard over and over and over again during the message. And in English, it translates to "All powerful." The message was over the power of God and Christ, and how it is at work in us.

In the front of my Bible, just above where it says in large print "Holy Bible" I wrote this: "God is much bigger than the rules and regulations of this book. If we trap Him only in these pages, we limit his power."

And after hearing all of the preacher's message, I couldn't believe how true that really was.

In Mark 5:30, we get a sense of just how CRAZY Jesus' power is. When a sick woman came close enough to touch His cloak, she was healed. Christ's power passed through his cloak to the woman, and the first thing the Word says is that "Jesus realized that power had gone out from Him." Here, we see Jesus as a vessel of power... a physical power that by through touch, is shared with believers. He was so incredibly attuned with this power, that he knew the instant that it left his body. What an unimaginable thought. So, we see that God has power over the physical.

Next, we looked at Mark 4:35, when Jesus calms the sea with a single utterance. The disciples say, "Who is this man? Even the wind and waves obey him." Here, we see that Jesus shares His power through his words. All Jesus said was "Quiet, Be still." and the storm passed. So, God has a power that exudes from His words.

2 Corinthians 10:4 is my favorite example of the todopoderoso power that is in Jesus. It shows us that this power, though not used through weapons of force or destruction, has the strength to "demolish strongholds". Pause here, but keep this in mind.


Ephesians 3:20 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory..."

Ephesians 3:20 and 2 Corinthians 10:4 go HAND in HAND. 2 Corinthians 10:4 continues like this: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we TAKE CAPTIVE ever thought to make is OBEDIENT to Christ." What an incredibly powerful string of words. This power... this todopoderoso power that Christ exudes through his words and even through his robes is at work in ME... its at work in YOU.

Its time to start acting like it.

Lets live our lives IN this todopoderoso power... not only in the knowledge that Christ owns this power, but that it really, truly exists and works in us. Let's take every thought captive and make it obedient to the power of Christ.

Its incredible what I learned through a sermon delivered completely in Spanish, huh? Well, that's the work of the Holy Spirit.

- Not missing home one bit,
Seth

Drowning

I find it disheartening when I go to church, and the only people that talk to me are the ones that I already know.

I find it disheartening that our preacher feeds us the word so incredibly well, but I can't seem to fit into the community in my church yet.

I find it disheartening when I'm asked to invest my time in the church, but no one from the church except the pastor is investing in me.

I find that I'm drowning in my own heart. I'm fully immersed in the messages, but can't seem to penetrate the surface with the community. I'm flailing my arms, trying to find balance and safety.

Tough, but rewarding

I honestly feel like the words that I'm beginning to type will not do justice to the subject: My sophomore year at Friends University.

Last thing I knew, it was CORE week for campus ministries. I was spending sweet fellowship time with people I felt like I had just began to get to know. Some great and challenging things happened that week, but they lead right into RA training. Seth Oldham, 18 years old, weighing in at 155 lbs and standing 5'9" would be paired with guys all over 6' and most well over the 220 lb mark, some even in the 300 lb range. Why in the world would they respect me? I'm younger, smaller and less assertive. Needless to say, I was FREAKING out about how I would control my neighborhood. Despite my fears and hesitations, I was blessed with phenomenal room mates, awesome co-workers, and the greatest boss I could've been given.

August was jam packed with Residence life events, and the fall semester proved to be the toughest semester academically of my life. It was incredibly difficult and hectic. I remember looking at my planner for the two weeks before finals and literally being unable to write anything else on the pages. But, with the help and comfort of the Father, I trucked through.


I made leaps and bounds spiritually as well. My faith was stretched and tried by one resident in particular, one whom I prayed for frequently and prayed that the spirit would work in his life. The first time that I ever shared my faith with anyone was with Alex, my very dear friend. I cannot begin to express what I felt afterwards. I felt like a true servant and proponent of the Kingdom of God. The Holy Spirit definitely spoke through me that night, brining to my mind several scripture references that I hadn't studied in years. Christ humbled me that night, and show me the joy can come through sharing my faith.

Fall semester also included my very first half marathon and a New Testament Survey class, where I met one of the most amazing men and preachers I have ever met: Philip Wood. Philip challenged the class daily with short and inspirational devotions. He is such a man after God's heart and is SO led by the Spirit. Its inspiring. Philip mentioned in passing once that I should start a Bible study, which I belive was God's way of instilling that desire in my heart. One that he would carry into completion in the Spring semester.

Spring rolled in, and incredible things kept happening. Mancave, a men's bible study held in my room, started meeting every wednesday evening. The first week, I over prepared and planned to go through an entire chapter. After a glance at the clock an hour and a half later, we had only managed to wrestle over 11 verses. God taught the group a lot through The Sermon on the Mount, and taught me a lot about genuine friendship through the guys in that study. My room mate's and I got closer, I made new friends, and deepened the frienships that I already had. God spoke through me on several occaisions, bringing scripture and words to the front of my mind that I hadn't studied in years. He always fills me with the words to say exactly when I need them. Through this study, I saw at least 3 men turn and run to Jesus. I cannot think of a better investment of time!

Now, summer is here. I'm leaving for Cancun in less than 48 hours. Its incredible. I feel like I just signed up for the trip and got approval from my parents. This year flew by, and I know that this summer will too. I covet your prayers for my trip this summer: for safe travels, wise decisions, open eyes, ears and heart, and a Christ-like attitude in every situation. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me and gotten me through this tough, but rewarding year. God has truly taught me what friendship is, and for that, I praise Him wholeheartedly.

*I'll try to update a couple times while im in Cancun!*

I'm a Boring Christian

Typically, I'm a "boring Christian." My friends and I hang out, and conversation typically turns to our spiritual journeys and what we're experiencing. These aren't bad conversations by any means, but I believe that God can be glorified through conversations that don't even mention his name. Just because we're called to change our hearts and minds, doesn't necessarily mean that we change who we are.

God created me with passions, a sense of humor, and my very unique personality for a reason. I find joy by making my friends laugh, impersonating famous characters, and being a generally goofy guy. I love to go running. I enjoy cooking things that I've never tried before. I sincerely like buring myself in a fictional book and not leaving my seat for hours straight. I love having friends over to play board games. I think its a riot to sit around a table with friends and recounted our childhood stories. I think its refreshing to cruise with the windows down and blare my music just because.

Are these activities Christ centered? Not necessarily. Is my attitude while doing these activities Christ centered? Most definitely.

See, I don't believe that being a Christian always means going to only Christian concerts and discussing scripture or theology every time you sit down with a friend. I think it means living in the world, but not being of the world.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking that you have more fun hanging out with your friends that are non-believers that those that believe in Christ? I have. And its not because my non-believer friends do wrong things that I find exciting, or live counter-Christian lives, because most of them don't. I think its because their personalities are uninhibited. They embrace their bluntness, humor, and quirks. I think that as Christians, we tame ourselves. We don't embrace our personalities and uniqueness that God has blessed us with.

Its okay to be ourselves. Its okay to let Christ change our hearts and minds, but stay true to the way that he created us. We need to quit excessively worrying about guarding ourselves against conforming to the world, because I think the Spirit will help us win that battle. I think we need to quit conforming to who "The Christians" want us to be, and be who Christ made us to be. He has blessed us each with unique personality traits, gifts, and passions which all edify the body in different ways. Let's embrace them and quit being boring.

Bear Hug Me

I don't have anything inspiring to say. No words that will flow effortlessly from the tips of these fingers and be aesthetically pleasing to your eyes. I can't formulate the perfect post to leave you pondering a great injustice or challenging you to make a stand. I lack the ability to move the masses. I am a broken and humbled man this week. God is twisting, turning, and for some reason, changing entirely my notions of school, relationships, future and friendships. I am worn out... In need of the power of the Holy Spirit like never before.

I hear people say "You'll push through... you'll be alright." And I know that this things are true, but every once in a while, words don't mean a whole lot. I'm not a person who longs for physical touch from friends, but this week I just need a genuine bear hug. Or maybe I need Jesus to wrap me in his arms, let me cry in his shoulder, and hear HIM speak those words of comfort.

"Seth. I love you. I am SO proud of you. Push through the rest of the semester, but keep me by your side. You'll be alright if you lean into me. Looking into eternity, your grades don't matter, you don't need to worry about your future wife; I'm protecting her for you. You don't need to worry about how you will make friends after college; I'm already preparing hearts to meet you, love you, and care for you. Never forget who you are in me. I love you so much."

Where your heart is your treasure will be also... or is it the other way around?

Where your heart is your treasure will be also... or is it the other way around?

God, if where my treasure is,
my heart is also,
does that work in reverse, too?

I feel like it just might.

Because right now,
my heart belongs to you,
but I feel like you're giving my heart away.

And its not like your doing a bad thing, God,
don't misunderstand me.
But I truly believe that each member of
this incredible community that I live with has a very distinct piece of
my heart.

And if I believe that to be true,
and I belive the whole treasure/heart reversal concept to be true,
then you made a wise decision tellings me
"not to build up your treasures up here on earth,
where moths and dust destroy and where
thieves break in and steal,"

but to build up the treasure that I can take with me to heaven.

Which, in light of the last few lines,
is achieved by giving my heart away.

So God, I guess what I'm asking for is that
you help me continue to give my heart away,
to build up those heavenly treasures,
and to appreciate and value the treasures where my heart
already lies.

Perfect.

Wow. What a crazy week. I think I've experienced every emotion under the sun in the past seven days. Sadness, joy, humility, peace, anger, frustration, happiness, confusion, pride... the list goes on and on and on. This week has been up and right... left and down... or however that phrase goes. Its been one of the hardest weeks I've had in a long time, but as I recall, the week before Spring Break last year also stunk the big one. That's when I was told that I wasn't going to Mexico for missions; no questions asked. If you want to refresh your memory on the matter, check out my post call "Heartbroken," from last March.

This week, God taught me something about himself. Something that I already knew, but apparently he wanted to break me again, which always rocks the soul. He made it a point to make me remember JUST how incredibly much he loves me, despite all of the craziness that the week involved. Let's just say, I cried like a baby... with three other guys present... and wasn't ashamed or embarrassed a single ounce. My God is good...truly and wonderfully perfect.

I'm coming with a pair of scissors.

TodayI had one of the most memorable and meaningful experiences of my college life. Five of us friends loaded up and ran to party city, where we filled up five white balloons with helium and tied them each to a different colored ribbon. We all gathered around Paul's Pond, inadvertently one of the most spiritual and tranquil places on campus. As we stood in the freezing cold, we each took a balloon and passed a sharpie around.

We wrote down all of the things that are holding us back.

All of the things that weigh us down every day.

All of the things that get in the way of realizing God's love for us.

All of the sins that plague our lives.

All of our insecurities and shortcomings.

Everything that we want to let go.

And as the black ink began to take over the white area of the balloons, many thoughts came to mind. What if we had to walk around with these shortcomings, insecurities and sins prominently displayed and tied to our wrists for the world to see? What if we had to lug them around with us everywhere we went?

Well, thanks to Jesus Christ, we don't have to. We believe in a God that is big enough to cope with all of our hangups and insecurities. He tells us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

"My dear, dear children. Why do you wallow in your shortcomings? Can't you see that my wrists are bigger than yours and can hold infinitely times more balloons than yours can? And can't you see that my strength is your strength? Haven't I told you numerous times not to worry? The birds of the air don't reap or sow, but I still provide for them. And you, you children, mean so much more to me than the birds. You are my most marvelous creation. I am here for you, and I never let go. Let me take all of your burdens. Let me replace them with my words and my characteristics. Let me into your heart and let me change you. I love you so much. I'm coming with a pair of scissors to cut those marked-up balloons off of your wrists." - Jesus.

As we watched those 5 balloons float away into the foggy Wichita sky, we didn't know when they would pop or where they would land, but we knew that the prayer that we sent with them already met our Father's ears and he is working for our good.