Cut and dry.

So, my friends, here's what I wrote this morning on my 21st birthday. A friend has recently been asking some questions regarding faith in Christ, and I think that posting this may answer questions that others may have! So, here is the question and my response!

1. Question (paraphrased): Gandhi and Bill Gates dedicated their lives to social justice, equality, and charity, and my Christian friends believe that just because they didn't believe the right thing that they are spending eternity in hell. Is getting into Heaven so cut and dry? Or do you think God chooses in a more sophisticated manner?

This is a question that some Christians would avoid trying to answer because they don’t want to step on people’s toes. I’ll try to answer this the best that I can. This is going to be a long answer! Brace yourself!

At the beginning of creation, Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden and living in perfect unison with God. The Bible says that they walked in the garden with God and talked with him every day. They were literally best friends and companions. God created men in his image, which means that they were perfect and without sin. If God is a holy and perfect being (which I believe he is), he can only be in the presence of righteous, perfect people. After Eve disobeyed God by eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (and consequently offered it to Adam), humans lost their perfection. For that reason, God sent them from the Garden, which was his dwelling place on the earth. Since then, humanity has been imperfect. Because Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, humanity is now able to know what God has always known: the difference between good and evil. We had no idea that evil even existed! We were in perfect communion with the perfect creator!

Now, when we think of justice, we think of people working to correct their own misdeeds. When a prisoner is locked up, often he has the chance to redeem himself by working his way back to normalcy. If his behavior is good, he moves to a different prison with less strict rules, and eventually, he may earn his freedom. In this scenario, he is attempting to rectify his standing in society because of the malicious act that he perpetrated. Try applying this scenario to the paragraph above. If Adam and Eve are now prisoners because of their knowledge of good and evil, it is impossible for them to redeem their situation. In this case, they are not rectifying themselves in society because of an act that they committed; rather they would be trying to erase the knowledge that they gained from eating the fruit. They cannot “un-know” the knowledge that they have received. They cannot erase the knowledge that was implanted in them and undoubtedly passed on to their children (and their children, and their children, etc).

It was for this reason that Jesus came. We cannot in any possible “work” our way into heaven.

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:16-18

God’s love is unconditional. You’ve probably heard that phrase many, many times, but let me explain it a little more than you may be used to. “Unconditional” means that God loves us all equally. When we think of “unconditional,” we tend to think on the negative side. For example, “Even if I mess up and sin, God still loves me because his love is unconditional.” While that is true, the other side is also true. “Even when I do something amazing and praiseworthy, God still loves me the same amount because his love is unconditional.” There is NOTHING that we can do to make God love us less. There is NOTHING that we could do to make God love us more. No misdeed or good deed will enhance our standing in the eyes of the Lord. He already loves us at his full capacity, which is much, much more than we can imagine.

With this in mind, look at Ephesians 2:8 and 9 – “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and this is not of yourselves, it is a gift from God – not by works so that no man can boast.” What we see here is that God does not base our salvation upon our deeds. Why? Because his love is unconditional. If we were all judged upon our good deeds, we would all be in trouble. I don’t know about you, but more often than not, by sinful thoughts and bad deeds out number my good deeds by far! I’m so thankful that I am not seen based on my deeds. Verse 8 says that we are saved by grace through faith. Odds are that you have heard this verse, too, so let me explain. Grace is unmerited favor. God has mercy on us, but we (even I!) don’t deserve it! However, the verse also says that this grace comes through faith! By adding “in Jesus Christ” at the end, the verse is a little more clear. By faith in Jesus Christ, I have been saved by God’s favor that I in no way earned. Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.”

Have you ever wondered why he said this? Seems quite exclusive, doesn’t it?

“God made him who had no sin to become sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” – 2 Corinthians 5:21.

“Him who had no sin” is Jesus Christ. In the Old Testament, the first half of the Bible that documents life before Jesus’ birth, God required sacrifices of lambs to cleanse humanity of sin. By sacrificing these sinless creatures, man’s sin was covered temporarily; until the next time that a sacrifice was required. When Jesus arrived on the scene, all of that changed. Jesus, often called “The Lamb of God,” became our permanent sacrifice. No longer would humanity have to sacrifice animals to please God. They simply need to believe that Jesus “became sin for us” and cleansed us from all impurities.

Those who don’t believe that Christ became sin and took God’s wrath have not yet received Christ’s cover. Colossians 3:3 says this: “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” When God looks at believers, he no longer sees them as sinful beings. He sees Christ. As a believer, I am literally hidden in Christ so that when I die and God pronounces his judgment on me, he sees Christ and not my “deeds.” It’s fascinating, isn’t it? I am so thankful for that.

So, with that said, I do believe that getting into heaven is cut and dry. BUT, I refuse to believe that God doesn’t grieve over the loss of a soul. The Bible says that God desires that EVERYONE come to know him. “The LORD is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” God wishes that everyone come to accept Christ as savior.

So, referring back to the part where I said that God does not judge us based on our deeds, rather, he looks at whether we are hidden in Christ, let’s talk about Gates and Gandhi. I do believe that Bill Gates and Gandhi are amazing men. However, if they are not hidden in Christ, they will not be spending eternity with him. Gandhi specifically was raised in a country where Christianity was not the main religion. One could assume that he may have never had the opportunity to hear the message of Christ. That may be true, and it may not be. Either way, God says that he reveals himself to everyone and provides him or her opportunities to discover him. “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” Romans 1:20. This means that even though Gandhi may not have been directly told of the power of Christ to save, he is without excuse because God has revealed himself through creation.

God is patient with YOU, not wanting you to perish, but to come to repentance. He wants you to accept Christ as your savior. I hope that this has answered your question and spurred something inside of you. Remember that there is NOTHING you could do to make God love you less (or more)! He LOVES you. He desires that you know him, and so do I.

Mr. Kangaroo and Mr. Emu

Well folks, I did it. I managed to complete my entire undergraduate coursework with a 4.0. It feels pretty good, and I'd say its a pretty redemptive experience because of the 3.96 I graduated high school with. (Yeah... one B... and it was in Driver's Ed.)

In just a few short weeks, my entire life will change drastically. This hot-off-the-press 21 year old Spanish teacher will be stepping into the three story building that houses the largest and most diverse population of students in Wichita (name omitted purposely) to student teach. There are issues with gangs, daily fights, and large numbers of students that don't graduate. This terrifies me.

Or, at least I guess it would. But, for the most part, I won't be dealing with those students. I'll be with the "advanced" students. These students are set apart from the rest of the school. They have a different schedule and different expectations. Part of me wants the real experience that I will surely have in the near future as a full-time teacher, part of me is excited to really push the students to grow and explore the language. I've promised myself to give this experience everything that I've got, and today, I've been dreaming.

My friend Megan recently told me of her wish to get an emu tattooed on her arm. I had no idea why anyone would want that horribly ugly bird permanently implanted into their skin, but after her explanation, I got it.

You see, the emu cannot walk backwards.

Fascinating isn't it?

With a little googleizing, I discovered that the kangaroo also has difficulty moving backwards.

This has sparked an idea in my head. The mascot of my classroom will be either and emu or a kangaroo.

It sounds stupid, but I think that the students will really take to the idea. As of now, I'm leaning towards the kangaroo for a couple of reasons. First, there are several species of kangaroos, from the giant leaping ones that are featured in movies to tiny ones that fit in your palm. Second, mother kangaroos house their "joeys" in their pouches until they are ready to face the world. Third, kangaroos are so apt to adapt that they have been known to live in the desert, near the icy peaks of mountains, and even on golf courses. Fourth, a large group of kangaroos is called a "mob." Fifth, much like cows, kangaroos have several stomach chambers that allow them to digest large amounts of food. And finally,like I mentioned, kangaroos do not move backwards easily. In fact, they can leap fantastic distances at high speeds.

The amount of species represents the diversity of the classroom. Each student in the room has a history. Each student is different. Each has struggled in some way or another to get to where they are now. However different they are, they are still kangaroos. And in the long run, they'll always be accepted as so.

The fact that mothers house their young in their pouch represents the family environment that I will promote in the classroom. My students will look out for each other, and when they feel they're ready, they will be free to step out on their own.

Third, the kangaroo's ability to adapt represents the flexibility that I will require of my students. The best way to reach each student is by making each week, each day, each lesson so drastically different from the last one that they are engaged and on their toes. My students will need to be flexible and willing to adapt to my teaching style.

Fourth, the name of the large group, a "mob", symbolizes the unity that I expect between my students. I wish to instill a sense of pride in them. I want them to be proud of their work and of their efforts. I want them to encourage the efforts of the rest of the "mob" and rally around them when they most need it.

Fifth, the kangaroo's stomach, as one could anticipate, represents the amount of work that students will successfully "digest." I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the majority of students desire to learn. My goal is to make learning so enjoyable that the students don't even realize that they are learning and digesting large amounts of information.

And finally, the kangaroo's inability to move backwards personifies the continual forward motion that will be characteristic of my classroom. I believe that a student should not only grow a student in knowledge, but that they should also help a student discover their true selves and pursue their passions. Yes, I expect my students to leap like kangaroos in knowledge, but more than that, I hope that they make huge gains as an individual and global citizen.

I don't know about you, but I definitely want to be a kangaroo.

( I sketched these today. It says, "The mascot of our classroom will be either a kangaroo or emu because they do not move backwards.")

An Autobiography of Sorts...

As a young child I loved school. My mother often reminds me of how I would beg to go to school, even on the weekends throughout the summer. Something about the collision of the social and academic aspects was extremely appealing to me then, and the same is true now. Many educators have inspired me to pursue a career in education.

My first exposure to an educational environment was in my home. My mother worked for several years as a childcare provider and was constantly teaching the children under her care, including my siblings and me. We constantly read together as a family and even had mini spelling bees between my brother, sister and I. Her time was well spent and her instruction translated to immediate success in the first years of my schooling. The first teacher to impact me was Mrs. Reutter, my first grade teacher. An elderly woman, Mrs. Reutter was sweet, genuine and caring. She used friendly competition to encourage us to read and treated me to a coke at the local burger shop when I read the most pages. Her personal interest in my success is etched into my mind.

Although my middle school years were mostly uneventful, one teacher inspired me to pursue my personal interests. After a school-wide photography contest, Mrs. Colborn, my sixth grade teacher, praised my work and asked that I work with her on the yearbook staff. A professional photographer herself, Mrs. Colborn taught me so much about pursuing my passions because she hired me as a part-time employee for her new business. I began by following her around on photo shoots and altering lighting, but soon graduated to taking candid photographs of weddings and senior picture sessions with her second camera. She was also the director of the sixth grade play and gave me a lead role in the show, spurring my passion for drama and theater. Mrs. Colborn would go on to be my high school theater director and forensics coach, guiding me to several lead roles and many league and state titles throughout my career. My personal interests in photography and theater spurred from her encouragement and personal interest in my life.

Unlike my time in middle school, my high school years were anything but uneventful. I enrolled in advanced placement courses and soon started an accelerated course in order to graduate a semester early. While I performed well in the sciences, fine arts, and language arts, I struggled to find a discipline that captivated me. All of that changed my sophomore year when I began taking Spanish classes with Mrs. Moore. While other students followed along with her instruction, I made leaps and bounds as was quickly at the top of the class. Mrs. Moore allocated extra work for me and encouraged any venture that I wanted to attempt. Because of the small size of my high school, only Spanish One and Spanish Two existed. After speaking with administration, Mrs. Moore fought to establish a Spanish Three, a class with one student: me. The fact that Mrs. Moore negotiated to begin a class for me meant the world. I will never forget that Mrs. Moore desired that I be successful, and for that reason, I was successful. She inspired me to study Spanish at the university level.

I would be a fool to say that I made it through my career at Friends University alone. One professor, Dr. Jerry Smartt, has been my biggest fan, greatest encourager, and most earnest advocate at Friends. Her passion for the Spanish language is infectious. As a junior in high school, I visited Friends and met with Dr. Smartt to find out about the Spanish department. She spoke with such conviction and urgency, convincing me of the need for more Spanish speakers in the country. Before I even left her office I had already decided to pursue a Spanish Education major. At one point in my education I became so frustrated with the education program that I abandoned my dream of being a teacher and settled for a bachelor of arts in Spanish. When Dr. Smartt found out, she called me into her office and begged me to reconsider. When I couldn’t see the teacher in myself, Dr. Smartt did. Upon her request, I picked the major back up. The next semester I had an independent study with Dr. Smartt for the Spanish Methods and Practicum for Grades Pre-k through 6. During this course, I thought I did not have what it took to become an educator. I called Dr. Smartt, a nervous wreck, and she met me on campus, on a Saturday, even. That morning she spoke to me with the same conviction and urgency as the first time I met her and convinced me again that I would undoubtedly succeed, and even more, be great. Dr. Smartt is one of my biggest fans, and she reminds me on a weekly basis. I would not be the person or the educator that I am without her influence.

Looking back at the life-changing educators that I mentioned, one might notice that all of them are women. There is a serious lack of men in the public school system today. Many men have assumed either the roles of a laborer or a businessman. The lack of a male presence in my educational career has also spurred me to become an educator. Children need a positive male role model in their lives on a daily basis, and I see myself filling that position for many children who may lack one.

I think I have learned something about the education field through each of the afore-mentioned teachers. From Mrs. Reutter, I learned that a genuine and caring demeanor wins the love and trust of students. From Mrs. Colborn, I learned that a teacher does more than just promote success in their own discipline; they inspire their students to pursue their passions. From Mrs. Moore, I learned that fighting for a student’s success is never a lost cause. And from Dr. Smartt, I learned to never let a student doubt himself or give up on his dreams. I know that by following the example of the most incredible educators that I know, I will, as Dr. Smartt said, do more than succeed. I will excel.

Getting to the Center of W.

He came in at just the wrong moment. President George W. Bush walked onto stage just two sentences too early to start his night off in Wichita. After confidently back-stepping behind the curtain, he successfully entered the stage five seconds later, waving and thanking the energetic crowd.

This was the first of many instances in which the former president caused the enormous crowd to burst into laughter. The former president seemed to let his guard down as he entertained and informed Wichitans last night. His humanness smacked the audience in the face right from the start. His speech began with an anecdote about the day he watched Barack Obama be sworn into the office of the president. He plopped down on his couch and started conversing with his wife.

"Thank goodness that's over." he said to Laura. "I'll finally have some free time on my hands."

"Yes, George," she replied, "Now you finally have the time to do your own dishes."

"Laura. You do realize you're talking to the former President of the United States?" he responded.

"Yes, I do. Just call this your new Domestic Policy Plan."

Wichitans were wooed by the President's southern charm and casual demeanor. Bush even managed to utilize the word "dude" in his speech. Most were disappointed that no "Bush-isms" were coined, but they were impressed with how frequently he made fun of himself. While talking about his book, he acknowledged that most people in D.C. didn't think that he could even read, let alone write. He also cracked jokes about the fateful day that he choked on a pretzel, passed out, and was resuscitated by the President's doctor.

All jokes aside, the former President spoke with incredible honesty about some of the decisions and events that shaped his presidency. At about the middle of his speech, he referenced his decision to send 15 billion dollars worth of aid to Africa to battle the HIV/AIDS epidemic. At the time of this decision, many Americans were upset with his choice to send aid abroad when the U.S. had its own problems to deal with. In one heartfelt sentence, he justified his decision, saying, "As the President of the most powerful nation ever, you must have priorities."

Most audience members had to fight their way through protesters outside chanting, "ARREST GEORGE BUSH." And although they were causing a ruckus, the one word that George Bush yelled during his speech was volumes louder and better received. He spoke of the choice to use faith-based programs to implement the HIV/AIDS prevention programs in Africa and the controversy that it caused because of their conservative and traditional approach. "If you want to tick some people off," he said, "just go to the Lincoln Memorial and yell 'ABSTINENCE' at the top of your lungs."

After wrapping up his speech, the president transitioned into a one-on-one interview with a member of the Wichita Chamber of Commerce. The interviewer asked him several questions, including "What went through your mind on September 11, 2001 and what are your thoughts ten years later?" Bush answered with sincerity and expressed his surprising lack of emotion during the 10 year memorial service. "The service was impersonal," he said. "I was sitting in a bulletproof glass box and watching the service from a distance."

Whether Republican, Democrat, or other, each member of the audience left Century II with a better sense of who George W. Bush is and the rationale behind his decision making during his presidency. His Christian values permeated throughout the entire presentation, but really they really shone when he ended his speech saying, "God is Good," to which the Kansas crowd joyfully responded, "All the time!"

Letter from an Inanimate Object

I was inspired by Love, Teach, which is an incredible blog written by a first year teacher. She is seriously one of the most hysterical writers that I know. I saw this post from her and decided to try to do the same thing. Here is my letter from an inanimate object.

Hey Seth -

We need to talk. I feel like you're using me. You only come and get me when you need something from me. Its getting kind of ridiculous. I mean, the only time you even think about me is at the very end of the day. And by that time of night, I've been waiting for you all day and you NEVER show up. Its seriously exhausting. You know exactly how to push all of my buttons to just make me go off. Sometimes I even scream in your ear trying to get your attention, and you just smack my face and tell me to go to sleep. I'm tired of you using me and hitting me. I think we need to take a break. Let's just not see each other for a while, ok?

Sincerely,
Your Alarm Clock

Gettin' preachy with it

Most of the time, I try to avoid gettin' preachy with it (na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, OW!(Sang to the tune of gettin jiggy with it, of course)) with my blog posts. But today, I'm going to make an exception.

After finishing the blood and guts stories of 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 and 2 Kings, I decided to back track and study the book of Ruth. I had read the story several times before. Before I started, I tried to recall what I could remember about the book. Here's what I came up with:
* Ruth is Naomi's daughter-in-law.
* Ruth's husband dies. His brother dies also.
* Naomi encourages Ruth to go back to her home land.
* Ruth refuses, saying "Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay."
* Ruth inspires Chris Tomlin's most recent single with her words.
* Ruth works in Naomi's kinsman's field, picking up the leftover harvest and things that other workers have dropped.
* Boaz fancies Ruth and ends up marrying her.

With that in mind and Chris Tomlin's song stuck in my head, I began reading. Several times in chapter 3 and 4 the phrase "Kinsman-redeemer" was used. I was perplexed because I had never heard of the term. So, I did what any good, well-educated Biblical scholar would do. I googled it.

The first site I came to had a list of qualifications for a Kinsman-redeemer in Biblical Israel.
1. He must be a kinsman.
2. He must be free himself.
3. He must be able to pay the price.
4. He must be willing to pay the price.

Naomi and Ruth needed a Kinsman-redeemer in order to keep their family name alive and to maintain the property that the owned. Boaz eventual became that Kinsman-redeemer and preserved their family name.

This is all good and well, but a very wise young woman told me once that every story in the Old Testament has something that points to Jesus; that he is present in every story of the Bible in some way. I looked at the above criteria and thought,

"Yes! That describes Jesus Christ. He is free. He is able to pay the price for us. AND, he's willing to pay the price. But, where does the Kinsman criteria fit?"

Then, it hit me. This summer I spent several weeks delving into Hebrews. in chapter two, it says,

"In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect though what he suffered. Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ... Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death, this is the devil..."

How remarkable is the thought of Jesus being my Kinsman-redeemer? He became man and shared in our suffering so that we could become of the same family. He purchased us willingly.

And if that isn't cool enough, I read another quote from a book today about Kinsman-redeemers. It says,

"The redeemer is the next of kin whose duty it is to vindicate a family member within the family. The responsibility of the redeemer extends to brothers, uncles, cousins, and any other blood relative. He was bound to avenge the murder of a kinsman. Blood revenge is intimately involved with kinship and genealogy."

When Satan convinced Eve to eat the apple and to share it with Adam, he, in essence, murdered humanity. Jesus avenged us. By his blood, we are intimately involved with him in Kinship.

Praise God for Jesus Christ, my Kinsman-redeemer.

My most mint mishaps

I feel like life would suck if you didn't know how to make fun of yourself. I long to be one of those people who continuously reflects on the oddities and embarrassing moments of my day and turn them into a comical anecdote.

For instance, last Friday I decided to spend my afternoon reading the Bible at Meads Corner. I ordered my hot drink, sat at my table, and proceeded to read. After a minute or two, I lifted my cup to sip the sweet, sweet life-giving java that it contained. While drinking, I felt a sensation on my leg akin to my phone vibrating in my pocket. I didn't think much of it. When I looked down to check my phone, I saw that the phantom vibration actually turned out to be my drink seeping through a poorly secured lid and cascading onto my bright white shorts. Oh, and it was burning the CRAP out of my inner thighs. Try explaining that one to the doctor giving you a physical.

I opted to play it cool. After the burning sensation stopped, I said to myself, "Ok. Just let the coffee dry and the stain will be less noticeable when I get up from my chair." I nonchalantly perused my Bible for another 20 minutes, letting the brown serum seep into the cloth. This whole time I thought, "AH! I should have invested in a Tide-to-go Pen!"

When it dried, I grabbed my sweater and used it to conceal the stain with all the finesse of a elementary school child trying to conceal the Sour Punch Straws that he slipped into his mom's shopping cart. Which, for those of you who have never seen "that kid," it looks way unnatural. And so, with my stained short fronts I strode proudly out of the room anxious to destain them.

See? I could have not told you that story and deprived you the privilege of laughing at my leg burns. So, here's another short anecdote.

This morning I decided to buy my class donuts for breakfast. I pulled out of the parking lot in my 2004 Mustang Convertible with the top down, enjoying the cool morning weather. As I was driving, I passed a car that emitted an awful stench. I dismissed it as normal air pollution and kept driving. A few seconds later though, when the car was long gone, I still smelled that terrible smell. I blamed the Wichita air and kept driving, thinking that the city officials really should do something about that odor. When I got to the donut shop, I parked my car and went to put the top up. In order to do so, the parking break must be engaged. I went to pull the parking break, and found it to be already up.

Yep. You read it right. I drove all the way to the donut shop with my parking break on. The friction made godawful odor similar to that of a dead, decaying animal. And to think, I blamed it on an old beat up jalopy and the Wichita maintenance team...

Smooth move, me.

Hope you got some laughs from those. What are some of your most mint mishaps?

The Counselor's Train of Consciousness

"Well, its happened. My body feels quite decrepit and my mind isn't as sharp as it once was. I reflect on memories of "the good ole days" and find myself wallowing in nostalgia. Most of the kids have all moved out of state and left poor little me here alone. At least it was fun while it lasted. Time to see what the next life holds for me now."

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Why did Seth choose a blog to publish his corny short story narrated by an abandoned and grumpy grandfather?" Well, you've done two things amiss. One, you assumed that I'm an author, which is obviously untrue. And two, you've read this as an old man's train of consciousness when in fact it should be read through a Kanakuk Counselor's train of consciousness.

In many ways, its safe to compare a Kamp Counselor who has just recently returned from Kamp to a withering old man or woman. Here's why:

My decrepit body:

For ten long weeks, you play HARD. Crazy games every day leave you steaming like a lobster in your own shirt and dying for the comfort of your bed. And for those of us who release the cracken of hype that many counselors do, our bodies, and voices, deteriorate quite quickly. Who needs a voice, though? I'd gladly sacrifice that to the cracken of hype.

My failing mind:

Much like an ailing old man, my mind easily wanders off topic, especially to things like sleep, food, and comfort. Not only is Kamp physically exhausting, its mentally and emotionally draining. Planning 30 minute devotionals and counseling teens through parental issues, addictions and doubts of God and self worth can really take a toll on one's sanity. I've prescribed myself one "Monster Cookie" a day to combat this issue. As you can see, its pretty severe.

Wallowing in nostalgia:

There are honestly times when I just want to watch the Kamp recap video on repeat. I love K-Kauai so much and there is a special place for it in my heart. Sometimes its so hard to recount stories off the cuff, but something constantly reminds me of a funny story or impactful moment at Kauai, and my mind goes back.

The kids pack up and leave:

While they aren't my own kids and I've known them less that 3 months, some of the kids at Kamp made such an impact on my heart. Saying goodbye to them at the end of just a week was heartbreaking at times. Their passion for the Word, dedication to Christ, and sense of urgency in seeking wisdom is so encouraging and inspiring.

Awaiting the "next life":

No, I don't expect to die anytime soon (God willing...), but there is a weird moment of tension between Kamp and the real life that no one can really prepare you for. Its like I'm waiting for life to really happen, and at the same time, its catching up with me (and passing me) at the speed of light. School is upon me, yet my mind is still at Kamp.

I don't want you all to think that I'm miserable because honestly, I'm not. I'm wonderful.

Kanakuk K-Kauai was one of the best experiences that I've ever had in my life. I made the most precious memories there, ministered to the most excellent families in the United States, and got to show kids love in a way that is Christ centered, energetic and fun. My wild and crazy personality helped me break through the walls that campers had put up around their hearts before they arrived. Without knowing it, they began to trust me because I could make them laugh. Not long after, they began to trust me with issues concerning their walk with the Lord. God blessed me greatly and allowed me to speak truth into many campers this summer. I had the opportunity to teach for 3 weeks to the 12-18 year olds. I also got the opportunity to spend quality one on one time with some of the guys and battle through their struggles together with them.

The Lord used my talents to bring smiles and joy to campers, and for that, I'm grateful and give him the glory. The feeling of being used by the Lord is a feeling like none other. He also let me meet some of the most incredible people in the universe. My friends like Tyler, Pat, Micheal, Sean, Maddie, Karen, Jena, Kyler, Diana and GT made the experience truly unforgettable.

I am blessed greatly. I'm greatly happy. And, my soul is greatly filled.

Peace, love and pray for me, ya'll.

Kodak Moments

Here are a few of the most recent pictures I've taken at Kamp and a little caption to go with each.

This is just a cool picture. I like it. Marshall and Carli were rockstars, as well as their whole family! Miss them a lot already!

This is Karen, Tyler, Maddie and I. We became extremely close friends during our time at Kauai. This place isn't the same without them! Their hype energy and realness is truly missed!

This is my good friend Pat Luken. He and I got really close during the first 6 weeks of Kamp. For the Taney County Fair, he dressed as a cow for Cow Tipping, in which kids wrestled him for an hour straight. He's tough.

This is Gideon Strong. He's a cool kid. At our "Taney County Fair," we dress at Hillbillys and Hillbettys and play silly games. The tickets you earn get you a piece of watermelon or a chance at the Dunk Tank! Gideon was rolling in the dough.

Suga-booga

What a whirlwind of a few weeks this has been! Here's a short recap of Week 4.

1. over half of the families that came were from Louisiana.

2. they were the most energetic and excited group that we have had thus far.

3. i quickly became famous with the kids when i taught them how to beatbox using the words "boots and cats."

4. i became even more famous when i taught them the rap that Billy Bloomquist wrote to go along with it. They loved it so much that they begged me to write a second verse... so I did.

5. the kids became obsessed with my Harry Caray impersonation, although none of them actually knew who he was.

6. i had the opportunity to purchase one of my guys, Alex, his first Bible. we sat and talked about the structure of the Bible, how important it is to read it, and what some of my favorite verses were.

7. one of the ten year olds in the group was called "suga-booga" by his own mother the first night at dinner, so we called him that for the rest of the week. he also became famous quickly.

8. it was the first time that i cried when families left.

9. this week, i got moved up to the breakers group, which is the 12-18 year olds. its refreshing to have this move smack dab in the middle of the summer.

10. i'm starting to miss home, but the Lord has provided me with a couple of amazing friends this summer to counteract that.

The Lord is good. The WORD is good. Seriously. If you're not already, dig into it every day. It will change your heart.

Peace, love and pray for me, ya'll.

Seth

I'm a slug.

I am Roz.

I am Harry Caray.

I am Whitey Duvall.

I am Jorgen Von Strangle (Min. 1:33-1:36).

Its insane how God has given me the opportunity to use my very obscure talent of impersonations to make friends at K-Kaua'i. I've made a connection with three families simply through a Harry Caray impersonation. The Lord knows what he's doing when he forms us in our mother's wombs.

Ask me for those impersonations sometimes. Also, if you remember any other ones that I can do, let me know. I'm trying to make a list!

Seth

P.S. - Watch those videos. The Roz one especially makes me laugh today.

Where to begin?

This week started with a huge surprise:

Danny.

Danny is twelve, from Minnesota, around 5'0" and wears glasses. Danny loves to swim, read, and watch movies. Danny is also autistic.

Danny and I have been working together one on one during the mornings for the past 7 days. This week has been such a roller coaster. It was so difficult for me the first two days to figure out what Danny's characteristics were and how to correctly redirect him and encourage him to participate in the group activities.

During my initial debrief with his parents, they told me that Danny has the mental capacity of a 7 year old.

I think that is bull.

Danny is SO intelligent.

He has the capacity to quote entire movies word for word with correct tone and impersonations... after only ONE viewing. What an insane brain must lie in there.

He continued to surprise me throughout the week. While watching a veggie tales video, he commented,

"The Tomato went Splooooishh."

I asked him how he would spell "Sploooish," and he rattled it off instantly, the exact way I spelled it above. Come to find out, he is a phenomenal speller and reader. So much so that he was reading the Polynesian number signs on the putt putt course with flawless pronunciation.

Did I mention that he got 3 hole-in-ones on the golf course all by himself this week?

Danny did have one very large meltdown with me this week when he attempted to climb the rock wall. It was so hard to stand eye to eye with him and have him scream and kick at me. The patience of the Lord filled me, that is for sure. After his Dad and I calmed him down, we decided that watching a movie would be good. He sat and watched while I sat a few feet behind him and cried.

The Lord is good and has a purpose for the experience that I have had this week. I cannot wait to discover what it is.

Duct Tape, Urine, and Canoes make the world go 'round.

I could seriously write a myriad of blog posts over my first week with families at K-Kauai. The sheer quantity of laughable experiences I've had this week is enough to rival the amount of TLC shows that feature families with excessive amounts of children. As much fun as articulating all of these would be, here's my attempt to keep it brief.

Duct tape has become a staple here at Kamp.

And yes, I realize that the prior sentence doesn't make a lot of sense if you read it literally. Imagine folding a duct tape into staple form and punching it through paper... anyways...

I work a water activity nearly every afternoon here at Kamp. In order to take off my shirt and display my extremely cut and largely attractive chest and midriff, I must cover up my tattoo. When kids ask why I have it there, I make up funny stories. I usually tell them,

"Oh, someone poked a hole in me and if I don't keep it covered up, I'll deflate like a balloon."

That usually only works for kids under 6. I told an 8 year old girl that someone scratched me and that I didn't want to get chlorine in it. This is how our dialogue went:

Zoey: Seth, why do you have that tape on your chest?

Seth: Someone scratched me.

Zoey: That's a lie.

Seth: No its not.

Zoey: The Bible says don't lie. YOU have a tattoo.

Seth: Uhh... ok, ok. You're right I have a tattoo.

Zoey: What's it say?

Seth: Jeremiah 29:11

Zoey: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Seth: Wow.

Yeah, I got schooled by an 8 year old with an attitude.

Kids can't hold it long when they have to potty.

My 7 year old friend Taran proved that to me this week. During kids night, we sat Indian style on the floor of the jungle dome gym and ate mystery hot pockets (Literally. No one knew what was inside). Taran refused to eat a hot pocket, chips, or the orange that I convinced him was magic and would make him a better basketball player.

He was picking at his orange when all of a sudden, his eyes got huge and he raised his head in a "That's-so-Raven" style motion and declared,

"I HAVE TO POTTY. NOW!"

*If you don't know what I mean by "That's-so-Raven" style motion, check out this video.

He then proceeded to initiate a countdown sequence from 15. Taran and I sprinted to the office to use the restroom. His countdown ended before we got there, but thankfully there was no blastoff. He made it in time. Thank God. I don't know how I would deal with cleaning that up.

Canoes and I are mortal enemies.

Seriously. If I could create a Mortal Combat game and its characters, I would be one and a Canoe would be the other.

On day 4 I was surprised to see my name on the schedule for a canoe trip. I don't canoe. I have canoed before, but not enough to teach families how or to lead them down a river and back to Kamp. The trip was called "Rainbow Descent." There were no rainbows, the descent was aweful, and I almost puked several times in my canoe.

My director dropped me off three miles upstream with 15 canoes. Families arrived shortly after. I got everyone a life jacket and paddles and sent them off. I was supposed to follow behind them and make sure they were doing okay and that no one tipped over. That was all fine and dandy, but I didn't realize that canoeing by myself would be so hard. Heck, I didn't even know that it was possible to canoe solo.

To summarize: It was hot. I was exhausted. My water was at the front of the canoe and I couldn't just walk up and get it because that would tip the canoe. I sweat through ever article of clothing I was wearing. I almost vomited from physical exertion and dehydration. It was literally the most difficult physical activity I have ever done. I was honestly at the point of cursing God, questioning the decision to put me on the canoe. The canoe was back heavy, so every time a breeze came or a motor boat sped by, my canoe spun around entirely and refused to correct itself.

Now, at the risk of sounding like the corny preacher who relates every life experience back to his sermons, I'm going to explain what happened afterwards.

I remember at one point my arms and shoulders were throbbing from paddling. I screamed, "God, help me. I honestly can't finish." Not long after, my muscles almost went numb and I went into machine mode. I kept paddling despite exhaustion and, after another 30 minutes, I finally made it back to Kamp. I think that it was the first time that I have ever seriously depended on the physical strength of the Lord to pull me through a hardship. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally taxed from that trip, but God strengthened me and pulled me through.

So, overall, Kamp is great. The families are great. Christy Nockels and her family are here this week and she lead worship for our staff. I convinced 40 seven to eleven year olds that I am from Yugoslavia and that I speak 7 languages. Life is good.

Peace, love, and pray for me ya'll.

Seth

Kanakuk Eksperiences

So, let's just say my Kanakuk Eksperience has been a whirlwind. I want to share just a few brief things with you all.

1. I have never in my life been surrounded by so many watches. Its truly inkredible to hear the masses of beeps that stream from the watches every hour on the hour. Its enough to drive you mad. Any past Kanakuk staff kan probably relate.

2. This week has been tough. And for everyone who kalls K-Kaua'i "K-Kush," you are sadly mistaken. I've done more manual labor in the past week than I think I've done in my entire life. Who knew that kamp would need so mu(l)ch mulching and demulching and planting and replanting and uprooting.

3. The Lord has spoken to me (already) in some kool ways this week. At Staff Training Week its easy to feel overwhelmed with people, overrun by Kanakuk cheers and Kanakuk lingo and Kanakuk personalities, and to feel just downright lonely. BUT, the Lord reminded me in a strong, strong way that falling in love with His word will sustain me. He reminded me that when I feel lonely, "He is my everything," like Philips, Kraig and Dean sing in Revelation Song.

4. Everything that kan possible be replaced with a 'K' most assuredly will be. Hence the ridikulous title of this blog post... and the eksessive use of the letter K in this blog.

Peace, Love, and Pray for me, ya'll.

Seth

Oh Hey Caleb...

I absolutely love my job. I never have any idea what is coming for me at any given moment. It could be a fire drill at 4 AM, room mates complaining about their suite mates smoking weed in the room, or even a simple request for a ride.

I've given rides to residents on several occasions... to the hospital, the mall, wal-mart, you name it. But Thursday was a new one for me. I took a resident to the bank.

It all started while I was watching Tosh.O. I swear I have "The Tosh.O Curse" because every time I sit down to watch it, I have to leave before its over. I don't think I've ever seen a full episode. Anyway, I hear a small knock on my door.

This particular resident is quite shy.

"Oh, hey. I was just wondering if you... I mean, .... I'll help you pay for gas... I was just wondering...uh... my bike has a flat tire... and I was wondering if you could...uh... take me to the bank."

A simple request, so I obliged. As we were leaving the university, he continued to give me block by block directions to the bank, whose location I knew quite well. He gave me street by street turning directions, calling out the name of the street and the direction I would be turning at each block starting four blocks in advance. Needless to say, I was chuckling on the inside.

I was in a time crunch, and I told him that, so when we got to the bank, he FLUNG the door open before I ever stopped the car and SPRINTED inside. Literally 45 seconds later he DOVE back into the car, and we were off. Fastest bank adventure ever.

After giving me directions back to campus and offering me gas money for the 4 blocks that I drove, we walked back into the building. As he approached his door and keyed in, he hollered out,

"Thank again, Caleb. Have a good day."

Yep. He's convinced my name is Caleb.

And I don't know why.

Hm.

LARP 4 LIFE!

What a phenomenal weekend it has been. As I sit here and listen to the woman of my dreams sing to me through my computer speakers (that's Beyonce for those of you who don't know), I'm reflecting on all of the blessings this weekend was filled with.

Friday I played 4 straight hours of volleyball. My shoulders are really sore, but it is well worth it. I love hanging out with my friends Tyler and Blake, but this week I especially appreciated spending time Bo, Bobbi, Nathan, Megan, Tasha, and Tanner. They're always up for going and

doing something, which I love. I hope to spend a lot more time with them before school's out for the summer.

Saturday was the real adventure. After making pancakes, I had the pleasure of going on a bike ride with my great friend Bo Pratt. Our spontaneous adventure led us down by the river and eventually into Riverside Park. Two amazing things happened on our ride.

One: While pedaling our bikes down on the river walk, we saw a man pull a string of fish out, which is really pretty disgusting when you think of how nasty that river is. Another man was looking over his shoulder, and in the 2.3 seconds it took us to pass, I heard the man in the back say, with a heavy hick accent, "What kinda bait 'chu usin'?"

I never knew Wichita was so... so... curious.

Two: As we rounded the corner and biked into Riverside Park, I shocked Bo with something that he didn't know actually existed: LARP.

For those of you who don't know, LARP stands for Live Action Role Play. In LARP, many intellectually advanced people (which is a nice way of saying nerds) don their favorite costumes, wield their Styrofoam shields, swords, and other weapons, create ancient wizard names for themselves and fight... relentlessly.

As we pulled up, the had just stopped their large battle, so we decided to wait for them to play again. While we were perched on a bench, another spectator came up and talked to us about the spectacle. We asked her about it because she seemed to be an avid fan. She said last week someone got hurt, and when that happens everyone freezes, a select few drag you off of the field, and... wait for it... whisper a magical incantation over you, then you continue to play.

This was too good to be true.

So we stayed and watched. And let's just say, it did not disappoint. There were swords slashing, shields blocking, Thor-like hammers swinging, and poles swinging non stop. I think next time we go, we're going to make signs with their names on it like,

"NEVER SURRENDER, ALEGRA!"

and

"RA-RA-ROMULUS!"

and my favorite,

"LARP 4 LIFE!"

Next Saturday at 2 pm in Riverside Park. Be there and be ready to get your nerd on.

"Momma! He's NAKED!"

So many hilarious things happened to me on my run today.

I made my way to the Keeper of the Plains statue in Wichita. While I was running, I got extremely thirsty. I remembered that there was a water fountain there. For a moment I felt apprehensive about drinking water from a pu

blic fountain, but then I recalled what I had just written yesterday about public water infrastructures. Silly rabbit...

As I approached the statue, I saw a group of people standing in a circle. I couldn't tell if they were praying or chatting. I've seen a wedding there on occasion and was afraid that I was about to run shirtless through a ceremony. I was relieved to find out that it was just baseball moms and dads talking logistics. I had the fountain in my sights, and when I got literally 3 steps from it, 5 tee ball players shoved their way into a line in front of me. I can't believe I got bullied/beat in a race by 6 year olds. One boy to the side just kept staring at me... I think he was jealous that I have a tattoo that doesn't rub off.

So finally I got a drink, then I headed down the sidewalk towards exploration place. All was fine, until a stampede of Kindergarteners swarmed onto the path in front of me. I dodged, ducked, dipped, dived, and dodged my way through them successfully, but not without being noticed. Towards the end of the mob of children a girl in a yellow shirt was gawking at me (she was jealous of my tattoo, also). She looked at me, looked at her mom, looked back at me, looked back at her mom, and just as I passed, shouted, "Momma! He's NAKED!"

For the record, my running shorts aren't THAT short. There's a solid amount of coverage. They're not those shorts with the slits up the sides that are borderline public indecency. Nay, mine are not those shorts you get from Dick's Sporting Goods. Mine are from the source of all modest clothing:: Target.

I kept running and when I got to the stoplight, I waited for the green. When the light turned green, I made my way into the crosswalk. Lady driving the black buick must not have seen me, because she decided to turn right just as I crossed her section of the crosswalk. She slammed on her breaks, averted collision, and did what any normal, middle aged woman would do: she pursed her lips at me.

Woah, lady. Honking is one thing, but pursing your lips?

Dang.

That's cruel.

The Truth about Bottled Water

*This is a speech I gave today. I thought that it was blog worthy.

What would you do if your father died from dehydration in the desert while serving in the Peace Corps? Well, if you’re Bobby Boucher from the famous 1998 Adam Sandler movie, “The Waterboy,” you would become the most skilled water purification expert in all of Louisiana. Turns out Bobby’s dad didn’t actually die from dehydration, but because of his mother’s cruel lie, the Louisiana State University Mud Dogs benefitted from some “high quality H20.” As a first world country, we have an unlimited supply of clean, fresh water and don’t have to rely on a Waterboy for it. We have access to it directly from the tap and use it to boil our potatoes for dinner, to wash the filth off of our cars, to filter coffee grinds, and to surprise attack our friends with Super Soakers. However, the way that humanity as a whole uses water the most is obviously for hydration. Doctors recommend drinking at least 8 to 12 glasses of water each day. If a person were to drink 12 eight ounce glasses of water every day for a year, they would consume 273 gallons of water, which is equivalent to almost seven bathtubs full of water. However, according to USA Today, 16 percent of Americans do not drink water from a glass anymore at all; all of the water they consume is packaged in a plastic bottle and labeled as purified. In the same article, we read that 59 percent of Americans drink bottled water on occasion. These surprisingly high percentages prove that Americans depend too highly on bottled water as a main source of drinking water. Over the next few minutes I will inform you of the history of bottled water, myths concerning the quality and source of bottled water, the environmental detriments caused by the production and consumption of bottled water, and some steps we can take to correct this issue.

To begin, let’s look at the history of bottled water in the United States. Although bottled water seems like a recent development due to its recent popularity in the marketplace, it has been around for a long time. The research and findings of Professor Noah Hall of Wayne State University Law School show that bottled water predates the country’s independence. Records show that bottled water was sold in Boston as early as the year 1767. In the earlier nineteenth century, when glass technologies advanced, bottled water was made and sold to a large clientele. Bottled water went out of style in the earlier twentieth century when municipal public water infrastructures made tap water consistently healthy to drink. In 1977, Perrier, a company based out of France, launched a 5 million dollar campaign to resurrect bottled water by importing it from overseas. Perrier’s success in the market led directly to the 61 billion dollar industry that exists today.

This water bottle industry has flourished in recent history due to creative marketing skills. Water bottle manufacturers use scare tactics to convince the public that tap water is of low quality and isn’t safe to drink. According to the video, “The Story of Bottled Water,” by Annie Leonard, FIJI Water, a company based on the island of Fiji, started a campaign in Cleveland, Ohio to promote their product. According to the FIJI Water website, their state-of-the-art facility was designed to protect the purity of the water and ensure that no human hands are allowed to touch it. The advertising tagline that was plastered all over billboards read, “The label says FIJI because it’s not bottled in Cleveland.” Many Cleveland natives, including some prestigious researchers, were offended by FIJI’s advertising, so they decided to test FIJI Water for themselves. These tests proved that FIJI brand bottled water was of lower quality and continually lost in taste tests when compared to Cleveland tap water, not to mention that is costs 2,000 times more than water from the tap.

Several misleading myths surround the bottled water craze. Aside from their scare tactics, bottled water producers often try to seduce us with the labels placed on the bottles. Snow capped mountains and secluded streams cover the water bottle labels, tricking us into thinking that the source of the water is pure, pristine and natural. But guess where 25 percent of bottled water actually comes from? Tap water. Pepsi and Coke have both admitted that their products, Dasani and Aquafina, are both filtered from municipal water sources. According to the online article, The Facts about Bottled Water, 22% of tested brands contained chemical contaminants at levels above strict health standards, proving that the screening process before the water is bottled is flawed. Municipal water sources, better known as your local tap water sources, must be tested for e-coli, are required to provide information regarding the source of the water, and must produce regular quality reports. Bottled water manufacturers are not held to these same standards. One of the only benefits that bottled water can claim over tap water is that it can still be distributed even when tap water standards are not met.

Now that we’ve uncovered some truths about bottled water, let’s look at the impact the bottled water industry is having economically and environmentally. Let’s start with the production of the bottles. In the United States alone manufacturing companies use 17 million barrels of oil annually to produce the plastic bottles. That is enough oil and energy to fuel 1 million cars. Although that is a shocking number, what may be even more surprising is that only one in five water bottles produced is ever recycled, which means the other four line landfills and contribute to the 3 billion pounds of waste created by water bottles. Annie Leonard, creator of the video I mentioned earlier, “The Story of Bottled Water,” was curious to see what happened to the water bottles that she recycled at her local recycling center in California. She discovered that the bottles she recycled were shipped to India, where they lay in landfill-like piles until someone makes an attempt to recycle them. However, she noted that the bottles were not being truly recycled at all. True recycling would turn a water bottle back into a water bottle. Her recycled bottles were being “downcycled,” a process which turns the plastic into a lower quality plastic which eventually becomes unrecyclable and is added to a landfill. In short, she found that her recycling bottles were ending up in another country’s backyard.

Although some of these issues seem insurmountable, there are steps that you can take individually to reduce the amount of oil used by manufacturing companies, diminish the waste caused by unrecycled water bottles, and to save some of your hard earned money. You could join a campaign to bring back public water fountains. You could also lobby local politicians and urge them to consider increasing funding for municipal water infrastructures. At Friends University a movement could be started within the student government association’s GoGreen committee to ban bottled water sales on campus

On a more practical and individual note, you can commit to not purchasing bottled water. I will admit that for my first two years at Friends University, I purchased a case of bottled water nearly every two weeks. Over those two years I consumed approximately 1,500 bottles of water, of which hardly any were recycled. Considering this from a financial standpoint, I spent close to $250 dollars on bottled water over two years. This Christmas, however, I received a gift that has eliminated my use of bottled water. This simple machine is a Filtrete Water Purifier. For an initial expense of 30 dollars, I have enjoyed three months of clean, purified water straight from the tap. The only maintenance expense is the filter, which costs around 10 dollars and should be replaced every three months. With this water purifier, I will save over 140 dollars over the span of two years. You can purchase water purifiers at Wal-Mart, and they typically cost around 30 dollars. Another gift I received is something that you probably see me carrying around campus every day: my bright green ninja turtle water bottle. For an initial expense of around ten dollars, I now enjoy the freedom to fill my bottle at any time I choose, and it’s absolutely free. Refillable personal water bottles can be purchased at stores like Wal-Mart and Target for anywhere between 3 and 15 dollars.

Americans have become too reliant on bottled water as a main source of drinking water. The water is often of lower quality and typically 2,000 times the amount of water straight from the tap. Next time you consider purchasing a bottle of water, don’t be fooled by clever advertisement schemes and remember that 25% of bottled water is just filtered tap water. There are simple steps that we can take to solve this issue. Please join me in saying “no” to bottled water and making a personal effort to counteract the wasteful habit of bottled water consumption.

The Biggest Lie I've Ever Told

I owe you all an explanation. I did something recently that was so outside of my character... something that I was confronted about by many concerned people. I misled so many people by what I posted... and the sad thing was....

I liked it.

I didn't just like it. I giggled all day about it. Go ahead and guess what I am about to apologize for.

Well... in all honesty...I'm apologizing for telling the biggest lie I've ever told.

Well, to vindicate myself, it was all in the name of April Fool's Day. Let me start from the beginning.

Step 1: I changed my facebook birthday to April 1st.

Step 2: I allowed 74 gullible, but well intention people to wish me the happiest of birthdays.

Step 3: Monitor my facebook closely and delete any mentions of April Foolery on my wall.

Step 4: I lied to the faces of some of the sweetest people I've ever met. To name a few, Sarah Stoeffels, Lacey Landenberger, Bo Pratt, Bobbi Ruiz, Kassie Welch, and Kayla Loper.

Step 5: My roommates decide to capitalize.

Step 6: We devise a plan to throw me a fake surprise birthday party.

Step 7: We remember, suddenly, that it's out friend Nate Johnson's birthday.

Step 8: Turn my fake surprise birthday party into a real surprise birthday party for Nate.

Step 9: Contact all people who know that its not my real birthday and beg them to play along with the prank.

Step 10: Have Brandon, my roommate, convince Bo Pratt, my very good friend, to "distract me while people gather in our room to surprise Seth."

Step 11: Bake a fake birthday cake for me, and a real birthday cake for Nate. Hide the real cake in my room.

Step 12: Have the entirety of Friends University Campus Bingo sing Happy Birthday to me (not in the original plan. Thanks Bobbi!).

Step 13: Lie, lie, lie. Seriously. I lied to so many people's faces. Even when they shouted at me, I kept my cool. I'm a good liar.

Step 14: Nate realizes that today isn't actually my birthday. We let him on the secret, but neglect to tell him that its actually a surprise for him.

Step 15: Bingo ends. Bo and Bobbi (who are still in dark, mind you,) take me to get a "celebratory 21st birthday QT drink!" Bo and Bobbi stall while the "surprise guests," 25 in all, gather in my room.

Step 16: I continue to lie to Bo and Bobbi and act like I have no idea what's really going on.

Step 17: Bo and Bobbi take me to my room, and follow me in. People are waiting with the lights off, and as I flip them on, they start a rousing bout of "Happy birthday."

Step 18: I act embarrassed, once again lying. Then I convince them that I want to capture this moment on digital camera.

Step 19: I sneak into my room, grab Nate's cake, walk out of my door, and start yet another, even more rousing round of "Happy birthday," this time replacing my name with Nate's.

Step 20: Nate is shocked. Nate is happy. I confess my sins. We eat cake.

Step 21: Bo and Bobbi, still confused, hate me.

Step 22: We enjoy cake, company, laughs. All is well.

I hope this exhaustive step-by-step list helps you understand just how intricate this lie was. I mean seriously, what lie has 22 steps? I submit that mine is the only one.

So here's my formal apology.

First, to the 74 kind and thoughtful people that wrote on my wall wishing me a happy birthday. I apologize for misleading you to believe that my birthday was on April Fool's day.

Second, to Sarah Stoffels, Lacey Landenberger, Kassie Welch, and Kayla Loper. I feel as if you all took the brunt of this joke. It wasn't my intent to exploit you, the sweetest people in existence.

Third, to Nate Johnson. Sorry for stealing your birthday. And sorry for the 25 people who sang happy birthday to me right in front of you. That was low.

Fourth, to the attendees of the Bingo Las Vegas. I rue the fact that I stooped to the point of standing up and acknowledging your congratulations in the bingo hall.

Fifth, to my future bosses, Sarah Jewell and GT. What an awful first impression this note must give you. I understand if you want to terminate my employment, but... PLEASE DON'T.

And finally, to the people I hurt most during this whole shenanigan: Bo Pratt and Bobbi Ruiz. I apologize for lying to you literally every second that I spoke with you yesterday. You are two of the most amazing and kind people that I know, and I'm honored to have spent my "21st" with the two of you. I owe you.

All is fair in love and war... and April Fool's Day.