White Feminist Male Seeks Change.

I am a man, and I am a feminist. 

I do believe in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. 

Maybe I am a feminist because I have watched my grandma raise and care for three generations of her family. For as long as I can remember, I have watched her work herself sick, literally, to care for her family. She has worked long, arduous hours at jobs that most would turn down. She is strong. Stronger than most. And she is respected in our community because she loves strong, too. 

Maybe it's because I have a Nana who is unafraid to speak her mind. She knows her voice carries weight, as it should, and she is unafraid to throw it around. She lifts weights twice weekly and sometimes still plays basketball with us. She singlehandedly cares for my Papa in his last years of life. She is strong. Stronger than most. 

Maybe it's because I have a mother who, after twenty years of providing daycare, decided to take classes and become a para at a primary school. She has lived with chronic pain, a result of a car wreck when she was young, for her entire adult life. She is stronger than most. She has dealt with pain that some cannot imagine. 

Maybe it's because I have a sister who can beat me in anything. She is stronger physically, mentally and emotionally than most. She always outperformed me in academics and athletics, becoming the valedictorian of her class and a standout athlete in four sports, yet she's never gloated about it. Not once. She's almost a certified nurse, which is perfect for a woman who has always given selflessly. 

I believe this about myself, but it still doesn't manifest as wholly as I would like it to. I set out this week to notice instances of gender inequality in my daily life, and just yesterday I did something that immediately disappointed me.

My friend introduced me to two of his classmates, a brother and a sister. I greeted them both with a smile and eye contact, directed intentionally at both of them, not just the man. But when I reached out to shake hands, I immediately went to shake the brother's hand first, even though the sister's hand was already outstretched. 

I bypassed her hand, and went for his. 

I love to promote gender equality, and love to discuss this topic. I am trying to make it a part of my everyday, unconscious actions like greeting people and shaking their hands. It is hard. 

A friend and I were talking about this, and he said something like, "We know that no matter how much awareness is raised about this issue, it won't actually change." I was immediately defensive about this, but later, I realized that he was right.

Awareness is not sufficient for widespread change. Those of us who believe deeply that gender equality is an undeniable truth must systematically reformulate our actions, thoughts and identities in order to promote widespread change. 

I will start by shaking whichever hand is outstretched first. By looking each individual in the eye as I greet them. By phasing out the term "you guys" to refer to any group of individuals, regardless of sex. By reminding my friends of both sexes why there are strong. 

How will you begin?