I swore never to be the guy that lets his guard down. I told myself that I wouldn't search for a girl, that I would let God bring her to me. I promised myself that I wouldn't fall head over heels for a girl at such a young age, because its outrageous to be "so in love" when I'm this young with so much life ahead of me. I haven't been upholding these promises to myself at all lately, when I sit back and think about it.
And yes, I know I just wrote a blog not too long ago about hating the fact that everyone is obsessing over who they're meant to be with for the rest of their life. But I think the reason that I wrote that blog, is because I've been acting like one of those people lately.
You see, I've had a crush on this girl for a couple months now. And I've tried not to like her, I really have. But for some reason, I can't seem to not like her. I know that may make absolutely no sense, and no, I'm not in love by any means nor am I creepily obsessing over her.
It like theres this occasional monologue inside my head that goes something like : "I should talk to her soon, but what if I tell her that I like her, and she doesn't respond. I don't want there to be an uncomfort between us. But if I never step out on a limb and say something, how will I know how she feels? Sometimes she acts like she likes me, sometimes she doesn't. Ugh. This is dumb. Just stop liking her. If she doesn't like me, then I feel like I'm wasting my time by pursuing her. I'm so confused."
Sometimes I wish I could take out a part of my heart. More specifically, the part of my heart that longs to be with someone and put it on a shelf, then throw it back in when I need it. If only, if only...
No comments:
Post a Comment